So… bear with me; I’m typing on my phone.

I (45F) am currently back in the States after living overseas for a decade and my closest friends are now far flung around the world. I also had these guy friends… one (4?) I hooked up with occasionally, but it was always about the connection we had and our friendship; never about trying to be with one another. But he was a flake and would often stand me up or what have you and, as much as I adore him, I don’t trust him. Ever. No matter how many amends he tries.

The other guy (3?) is similar. We had an amazing connection and were close; but never tried to hook up, I was older and wasn’t his physical type, but there IS some underlying sexual energy. You can feel it. But again; it’s more about the friendship.

So I keep in touch with both and both have asked me to come over for a visit (they live in different countries than where we met); like in a very serious, “where are you traveling next, come see me” way. And I miss them (I do; the younger guy I literally ran into all over the country we lived in spontaneously. It was like fate, under CRAZY odds) so I will, but it’s not like we were the type of friends that I would stay at their house and (maybe I am just deprived), but the older guy I told I didn’t trust and when I come it’s not because of him, but in spite of him, because if he’s with the BS I’ll feel better, even as friends. But now I can’t stop thinking of his hands all over me. It’s so weird.

I’ll see both of them the same week; fly into one country for a weekend and then leave for the other I’ve been friends with these guys for years too, this isn’t like people I’ve never met.

Any advice?

*****Should have been more specific. I DO NOT want to be with either of them. I am not flying halfway across the globe for sex; We ARE NOT hooking up and I have no long-term interest in either one, other than deepening our friendship. I am more concerned with their interest in ME at this point. Because why ask me to come hang out and see you when we were never like that to begin with? Notice, I made it a point to talk about our connection via friendship. I have crazy energy with them and always have. That doesn’t mean it’s meant to be consummated, in fact, it’s foundational to our friendship. And if I did hook up with either one, that has no bearing on our friendship going forward; it was what it was.”