So some of you probably remember me posting about my ex. Despite everything, I still had feelings. Not a day would go by, without me thinking about him, all the things we've done, and all the things we were going to do together.

Well, he had gifted me an expensive putter for Christmas. Since I only golfed with him, most likely I will never use it. So I wanted to give it back to him. I'd texted him asking when would be a good time to drop it off and pick up my stuff from his house. Nothing much, just some toiletries, a sleep shirt, etc. I had bought him some things for Valentines Day that I never got to give him and I wanted him to have them because I had no use for them. He never answered me. We've been NC since just before Valentines Day.

So this weekend, I drove to his house and just left the putter and the things on his porch. I really didn't want to see him because of said feelings. Well, he texted later that day "Thank you". New number. I didn't answer him then. Then much later he texted that he still loves me and misses me. I wrote back you're welcome and that I missed what we had in the beginning. Then we texted back and forth a bit. Of course, this brought everything to the surface and I was starting to think I had made a big mistake in breaking things off with him.

I went to bed thinking about it, woke up yesterday thinking about it. It was getting bad. Since finding out about limerence, I sort of thought I had it bad for him. He had texted me something when I was sleeping. So I answered him around lunch time. Nothing much. He never texted me back, which of course made me start overthinking everything.

I went to bed, woke up this morning to another text. He knows what time I go to bed during the week. I'm a creature of habit. He wrote a bunch of texts. He goes "I don't know what happened after October. I lost you and it's tragic. It would have been 9 months yesterday. You opened this can of worms, and not sure what to say. Guess I love you."

He knows exactly what happened because I had sent him a 4 page letter explaining exactly how I felt about everything. I guess maybe I could have been clearer. /s

NO! I was completely clear. I spelled it all out. He chose either to not read it or conveniently forgot about it. Which helped me remember exactly why we split up! Everything was always my fault. If I did this or do that. I should've done this. Me walking on eggshells so I didn't upset him.

Now, I'm no longer thinking about him. No longer pining for our future together. I took a screen shot of his text to help me remember in case I have another lapse in judgement, and deleted his text and blocked him. I had blocked his old number.

I just needed to type this all out to help me remember. Not that I plan on forgetting again! Sorry for the length if anyone got this far! LOL!