ETA: Can't figure out how to edit my title, but it's just me. Not all women. Sorry about lumping us all into my stupidity. Should read "Why do I do this?!?

So I had posted before about the "great guy" I met on OLD and then in separate postings, how our relationship turned into a shitshow. Well, I've let him talk me into forgiving him and trying again. Promised me he'll be different. Guess what? He's not different. Not surprising. But what is surprising is I let him talk me into forgiving him 3 more times!!! THREE MORE TIMES!!! Why am I so stupid?!?

I mean, he does have good qualities. And I suppose I concentrated on those and thought he really would try and treat me different. And then he is great for a while.

My friends say he is trying to control me. And trying to gaslight me. I don't know if that part is true, but he definitely is being controlling. We live half hour apart, so not bad distance wise. He gets angry because we don't see each other enough. Flattering, right? But what he means is I don't make the effort to come to him. I'm always the one that has to go to his place. Make the trip. Again, not that bad in warmer months. But the road he lives on goes over a mountain, and is winding. We live in Northern NY and guess what? We get snow, ice, and everything in between. Plus, deer and other animals like to jump out in front of your vehicle. So I'm not always keen on driving there, especially with the shorter daylight hours. I've told him this plenty of times. It makes me nervous driving there during the winter unless I know the roads are good. I've invited him over to my place and he always makes excuses. He has a dog so he can't leave him alone very long. I told him his dog is more than welcome. I love his dog!

Anyway, this is a rant more than anything. I don't want to put this on Facebook. I deleted him off my friends list, but I'm still friends with his mom, aunt and a couple of friends that he was friends with before meeting me. So I'm bringing my rant here. But why do I continually put up with it? I can see once, maybe twice. But by the third time I should have caught a clue. But here we are once again. He's mad because even though I told him I was going line dancing and invited him along which he turned me down again, he went radio silent on me yesterday. Then sent me 3 emails overnight. Not good ones.

One of my friends tells me to get back on OLD. No, not ready to do that. I need to lick my wounds first and figure out why I let a man treat me like that and then roll over like a dog and forgive him. Over and over. Not looking for advice. Just needed to get it off my chest I guess. And hopefully someone will see themselves in this post and realize that men in their 50's don't change. And it will never get better.

Edit to add update: So before I posted this, early this morning I did reply to his emails. I did call him a narcissistic selfish man child. He hasn't written me back. Its now quarter after 2pm. I just blocked him. I am done. But of course I had to tell him that. I will just never learn. He is now blocked because he tried to turn it around on me again.

Thank you to everyone who replied. Whether you gave me a swift kick in the pants, or offered up solid advice, or gave me virtual hugs. I appreciate every single one of your posts. And now I need to get off this sub for awhile. It's been an emotional morning. Thanks you all again!