These are the qualities you should internalize if you intend on being a decent human being but for the purpose of building raw attraction they don't seem to cut the mustard, and this isn't just the case with - pardon the crass expression - damaged women but apparently self-respecting, well educated and ambitious women as well.

I was recently told to exhibit these sorts of traits by a very intelligent female friend who's dating a crude macho ambitionless knuckledragger who's often physically controlling with her in even public. I'll often hear women complaining about their partners gross behavior - sometimes trying to vindicate it - as if they're legally bound to stay with him, forgetting that there's a wide world of well meaning guys out there many of which will treat them closer to how they deserve to be treated. (I'm aware the sunk cost fallacy, the fixer mentality, stockholm syndrome etc complicate things as does people's ability to mask their true intentions)

Of course nobody is going to look you in the face and tell you that the way to their heart is by being an aggressive, macho, peacocking, arrogant, manipulative womanizer, and most won't consciously accept that they're drawn toward these characteristics, but actions speak louder than words.

What's the deal though?

Aren't we supposed to be growing wiser, more self-reflective and more attune to the scumbag tactics that we are quick to condemn in pop culture and media and other people's relationships?

Are so many people caught up in an idyllic daydream that blinds them to reality of their situation?

Do they really find arrogance and a libertine lifestyle (reputation of being a player) to be like an aphrodisiac that they can't say no to?

Or are they just insanely insecure and manipulable?

Do looks overshadow everything else?

Or none of the above?