I’m M and just turned 24. A girl and I have been interested in each other for 9.5 months now. She was perfect from the start, with her great communication and clarity about what she wanted, which was a relationship, same as me. We like the same things, go to the same school.

We never met, as we’re both in different provinces, but we have been desperately been wanting to do so and get to know each other physically to actually determine if we’re compatible enough to make it official. But due to covid shutting our school down, giving her no reason to come, she changed and started to want less as her optimism of us meeting crashed.

I didn’t understand, other than the fact that online school was swamping her, so I decided to give her space so that we could hopefully meet by second semester in person, and hopefully things can take off. I didn’t want to stop talking, but she was sure that it would be good for us, and that it’ll all be worth it once we meet, and that she’ll even send me a post card in thoughts of me.

As you would’ve guessed, it wasn’t worth it. I checked for letters in the mail everyday, nothing. After 2.5 months of silence, I broke it as she didn’t wish me a happy birthday, which hurt me way more than I expected it to hurt. After all this time, effort, planning and hope, she had decided during the time of silence that she isn’t ready for a relationship anytime soon.

This was the first time in five years I was certain someone was right for me, and that I can be in a relationship with an incredible person. I borderline love this girl so the shock of all this is absolutely tearing me apart. We will be seeing each other no matter what now because she has signed a lease to the same apartment building I live in by complete chance when she eventually shows up. So you can imagine how it might feel knowing she’ll be just an elevator ride away, but emotionally unavailable compared to her being 3,000km away, but available back then.

I feel absolutely cheated despite not being in a relationship with her. I know she doesn’t owe me anything, but I can’t help but feel so hurt after all this time of mutually wanting this. After being fairly experienced in dating, and matured over the years, growing to understand relationships better, I really thought this one would’ve have worked out before giving up on the thing we wanted most…Meeting. But I feel lead on, and I don’t know what to do.

I guess I just need to talk to people about this, I’d hate to bottle this all up as my therapist knows I tend to do. Feel free to send me your thoughts.