Hey guys, so I’ve been very hurt recently. Me and this girl I met at college have been doing dating type stuff for a while, but we viewed dating differently and never had that conversation, so I could never commit. I felt like when you date someone, it is a huge commitment and you always should be confident that you will be with this person for the rest of your life, and this mindset made it so hard to commit. She views dating as, it’s fine if you don’t necessarily see yourself marrying this person- only thing that really matters is that you two love each other. And we do, at least we did. So, we never really came to a conclusion- but we loved hanging out one on one, whether we would just be doing homework or really anything. In addition, this semester has been hell for me- I had a lot of personal problems, so I’ve been very distracted, and didn’t prioritize figuring this out.

Last week, we had a conversation about dating- at the worst possible time, we were both drunk at a bar. She comes up to me asking why can’t we be together, and that she already knows who she’s going to marry- a guy from home she has known for all her life, and haven’t talked to that much at all since college started, but she said she just has a feeling. Obviously, when I heard this while drunk, I got hurt and upset. I told her there wouldn’t be a point then, and she left the bar crying. Since that night, we haven’t done anything together, and I realized how much I really need her. I now understand her view of dating and honestly it works for me too. But she’s been really hurt and wants to put an end to all of this. I tried to let her know how I feel by buying her a gift, a winter hat, and I drew her a picture of her hometown and left it at her dorm door.

We then talked a couple days later and she said it was more about me not showing as much support as I could have in the past. I told her it would be completely different if we dated, that I would then have a role as a boyfriend. I heard from mutual friends that she said she needs more convincing, something more meaningful. I’m at a loss of what to do, all I know if that I really do need her. I’m thinking about possibly surprising her by taking her out to dinner, something like texting her “meet me outside in 20 minutes, get dressed up. My treat”, if she would even accept it at this point. Sorry for the wall of text, but really need help. Thank you