28M and I work a lot with shy people who are trying to get out of their shell.

At least half of the time, (more so with younger clients) their primary focus is to be better at attracting the opposite sex. I figured it’s worth mentioning here and I’d love your thoughts.

There’s nothing wrong with this in of itself, but let me give a piece of advice to those wanting to rack up their numbers just for the sake of doing so.

It will backfire.

If copious amounts of meaningless sex are the primary measure of one’s self worth, that is.

When I was younger, this is what I resorted to. I thought I escaped depression and could connect with anyone.

But as I got older, I found that I enjoyed sex less and less. I wanted to actually connect with others.

However, I had “programmed” myself to do one thing and one thing only. Talk to girls with the sole purpose of hooking up.

Which meant I sucked at making guy friends or developing any sort of connection with women that lasted more than 24hrs.

In other words, I had no friends.

And when you don’t connect with people and the thrill of sex wears off, you (or at least I) become a recluse all over again.

Fortunately I was able to learn genuine social skills using music theory (that’s another story for another time). The point is this:

Romance, dating, and sex that is fulfilling, be it casual or committed, is a byproduct of connection - not the other way around.

If you learn to appreciate others and are selective about whom you let into your life, great friends and lovers will be plenty abundant.

EDIT: Dang, I’m glad to hear this part of my story resonating with so many folks. The discussion below has been amazing! I’d like to let anyone here know I am open to PM if there’s something you want to talk about without making it public on the thread. Thank you all - you rock!