I’m 37 and have been with my significant other, 29, for about ten years. We consider ourselves common law married and have no reason to not walk down to the courthouse and make it official (as this would make things SO much easier). We have three kids together, two by my ex, and a house. But...EVERYTHING is separate still—our mortgage, vehicles, utilities. After a decade we finally agreed to get a joint savings account (because one of his relatives convinced him we should) but it seems odd to me he doesn’t want me connected to him financially or have his last name. Everything is in his name and I’m a SAHM as we don’t have family that are both willing and able to watch our kids. I’ve worked overnight when pregnant with our daughter and again shortly before the pandemic but it was BRUTAL as he expected me to do all the childcare and housework while working nights. I know I shouldn’t compare our relationship with other couples but I feel like we aren’t in sync as a couple and often feel like a live-in maid. He has reminded me how much he pays for and acts like he resents me for staying home with the kids but refuses to work with me on childcare and figuring out alternative options financially. If I remind him we don’t have family to watch the kids if he wants me to go back to work he tells me to figure it out on my own and says I’m not trying hard enough. But if I don’t keep the house clean enough or I’m relaxing when he comes home he assumes I’m being lazy and says things like, “I wish I could stay home and play video games all day” (for example). I realize fighting about finances in a marriage is common but every time I try to talk to him about anything financial he says I either don’t have a say because I stay home with the kids and he makes the money or, he’ll listen to someone else saying the exact same thing I tried to tell him. Hopefully this isn’t too long, if it is I apologize😓