I have been going out with my GF for 5 years of those 3 were long distance including the last months. We would visit each other every 3-4 months for a week or 2. But we would talk everyday for about 2 hours. Before that we dated for 1 year in person and then I moved in with her for another year about 6 months ago. She was my first love and mine hers, im 31 and shes 24. I made a lot of mistakes with her I felt I should have tried to make an effort to move in with her at the time, but I was more focused on my work and where I lived she couldn't move in with me because she was going to university. I also wasn't the perfect boyfriend I was sometimes rude and mean and toxic at times. Later I began falling in love with her and that changed things and I started apprieciating everything about her. But this last year we fought a lot in general, and then I was diagnosed with OCD and got a nervous breakdown while living with her. I basicly had panic attacks everyday, it was horrible and then I developed a jelousy ocd later on. It was a dark time now im on medication and therapy so I am doing better, but she never saw that since we still fought on the phone a lot. She was completely in love with me before that and dreamed of marrying me but that OCD episode sort of scared her there was a lot of fights and semi break ups. She still loved me but I felt she had lost some respect for me. We continued the relationship and finally had a serious break up a month ago with her parents and my parents involved she just called me and broke up. I promised I would stop my jelously OCD and consider her and she said okay. Next we kept fighting over and over about things especially my OCD (which was 90% percent less) but then finally she broke it off with me saying that she was crying a lot and her parents told her to break up with me. Both times it was the parents that told her to break it off with me saying I wasn't a good bf and had too many issues. I begged her not to big mistake, anyways finally I accepted everything and told her I loved her a lot and it would hurt a lot. I had a big downfall in my OCD recovery as she was the biggest part of my life for the last 5 years. We really loved each other. Before ending it she said she didn't want to give me hope, and sort mentioned meeting as possible and she will remember me with good memories. She blocked me for 2 days then unblocked me from everything. Then she deleted all my comments on her facebook manually a week later. Then put me on on some restricted list on IG so my comments can't be seen. She didn't delete all my pictures just the recent ones. She told me the break up happened because she was crying a lot and her dad and mom said thats enough you need to let go of him. She kept saying she didn't want to "speak to me on the phone" because I could convince her to come back and that I have too much power over her since shes "dumb little girl" and always comes back to me. Also she has financial issues with her university since her dad lost his job and they were expecting me to help out since she comes from a lower middle class background and that was another issue. She told me she gave me too many chances and that I kept fucking them up. She went on paragraph after paragrah saying how bad I was and listing everything I had done and that why didn't you think of all that before now its too late. She went on forever kept writing me about all the shit I did. Then finally I just said its all okay I remember the best of you and some other sweet things and she calmed down and said she cried and said its better we don't speak for some time. I feel like shit about the whole thing and everything seems unclear right now. So I did no contact for 6 days hoping she might reach out to me. I don't know if she is relieved I am gone from her life and wants to find someone else or shes sitting there missing me like crazy and wants me to reach out. Was this a cry for help, I am not sure she got my parents and her parents involved but she also did this last time and she changed her mind. I am not sure what she wants? Was this real should I let die and move on? Or does she just want me "fight for her" as shes told me many times in the past I don't do. She I contact her after a certain period of time? Or should I let my mom write her casually since they are good friends. Part of me accepts I can let it go, but I feel unclear about this whole thing. Only 2 days ago after a big argument she was begging me to call her tell me she loves me but then she cried and her parents told her enough is enough. So I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. I am definalty willing to change as a human being, I was not the greatest bf before... I want to change that if she comes back, if she doesn't I would make sure to treat the next girl really well and not commit the same young mistakes I did before. Sorry if my writting is crazy and shitty I have disgraphia (learning disability of writting). Any Advice would be great.