Hey. I feel like i need to make this post even though im adamant in my actions. The story: I had a best friend of 4 years. She and i are so similar and were inseparable. I felk for her quickly and stayed her friend while she dated other men. I dated other women but there was always something unspoken. Over the last year we started seeing each other and became incredibly close. We dated for 3 months. We both agreed it was the best relationship we had ever been in and she said some amazing long term things to me. But a month ago she ended it simply saying "i dont know if i like you enough to date you" and "im not sure im ready to date anyone right now".

I lost her.

Then we reconnected 2 weeks ago. She sent me a txt. We went to dinner and weve been talking and hanging out. I still love her. I am afraid i will for a very long time. I feel she wants to be just friends. Except...you know that look. I get that look from her alot....that look of i want to kiss you rn. It sounds silly and un-quantifiable but im sure weve all been there.

Its hard for me to hang with her. Its the most fun ive had in the last month but in the back of my head is her dating new people. How im gonna deal with that and it kills me inside. I dont think ill be able to function. The heartbreak nearly killed me to begin with.

Question: How do i deal with this situation? Ive decided no matter how painful on me i want her in my life. But as long as she is i wont be able to look for someone to care about that way. To build a life with. It would be unfair on them. But i also cant cut her out. I cant stop how im feeling. Im afraid im caught in a masochistic cycle.... emotionally im barely coping day to day.

Tl;dr: Love my best friend. Dated. Lost her. Back to friends. How do i cope?