Is the only way to find love in this world - to be skinny… it’s insane. I’m craving the love of a woman… I’ve never experienced genuine love.. and I think I’m just going to have to accept that, if I don’t lose weight and become a societally acceptable size.. love or a real sexual relationship will never exist for me.

I’ve worked so hard to lose weight in the past, even lost 100lbs naturally, I’m back at around 350 lbs now, at 5’11”. I do think I’m pretty decent looking, woman have called me handsome and this and that, but always with the condition… only if you were skinny.

Even at 250lbs… no one wanted to engage with me sexually.

I have had to start seeing escorts, to try and feel connected to the human touch… but it’s brought out an addiction in me, and the sex is never satisfying, because I’m positive, these escorts are disgusted by how my body looks.

I’m on bumble right now, I get zero matches, and if I do suddenly get a match, they will usually A) never send a message or B) unmatch immediately.

I feel so undesirable and am at the point I’m constantly thinking about ending my life, if I wasn’t taking care of my elderly mother, I think I would’ve ended myself years ago.

Peoples advice always seems to be, you have to change the way you think, you have to be more positive, you have to work out more, eat less etc

And I agree, but Jesus, I just don’t have the energy or will power anymore.

My brain is rotted to the point where I’m thinking about sex, and looking at the weirdest Reddit porn, and posting myself naked to see what people will say… no one ever says anything… it’s almost like I’m a big fat invisible thing.

I’m at a really weird stage in my life haha it’s kind of funny 🤷🏾‍♂️ sad 😢 and just flat out…. I don’t even know.

Is there any one out there that can relate or share some sort of insight that I might be missing or not able to comprehend ?

I’m lost, I’m scared, I’m ready to not be seen ever again. I don’t have any tears to cry out for help… this message to a random Sub-Reddit is the closest thing I guess 😢