I am driving myself mad. Couple of things here....

Boyfriend masturbates in the shower secretly and quietly when I'm around so I don't know, but he doesn't realize I don't care and would prefer he not try to hide it - I'd even offer to help even if I'm not horny! I can't bring it up because then he will just accuse me of spying on him (which I sometimes listen for it and hear him smacking away lol). He doesn't really let me into his fantasies or kinks, seems ashamed or something. I try to be open to exploring but he just wants regular sex and seems satisfied with that, but I get bored and need more. Foreplay, for example - he sucks at it and doesn't know how to touch me how I like it and I've tried countless times to help him! He asks for help but then gets offended when I tell him I don't like what he's doing... He has been on OnlyFans before talking to girls telling them how nice their tits are etc etc, and so I asked him to quit OnlyFans because it's personal whereas basic porn isn't. He said he quit, and I asked him for confirmation/proof but he said there was none (I used to have OF, I know you get an email when you quit!). Also, and believe me I've acknowledged this and am aware of this about myself, but I have some self esteem issues that I'm working on but the girls he looks at online and follow on IG are all busty/petite/big asses and it makes me feel less-than/not attractive to him. I've opened up to him about it but he doesn't seem to have anything to say about it. I know men are visual creatures but it still makes me feel bad about myself knowing I'm not what he's looking at all the time. He tells me he loves me and is attracted to me, but I just can't help but feel like he mostly just says that because I give him the love he never got before (he tells me that all the time). I'm attentive to his needs, considerate of his feelings, and I don't feel like he reciprocates that at all. He loves me how he feels like he should, not how I want/need him to. I'm ready to give it all up because I feel like I have completely different needs and he just can't meet them. I've tried talking about a lot of these things with him but it never lasts when he "tries", maybe a week or two then it's back to me feeling neglected. Breaking up is never easy and we also live together so obviously that's messy.. but I can't waste my time anymore. Oh, and I want kids and he doesn't want more (he has two with his psycho ex). He knew this when we started dating.. and that's on me for continuing on thinking things would change.

Bollocks. I know what I need to do, I just don't know when.