I’m just beginning to learn about this and I am discovering that I definitely have anxious attachment. I think I need some help understanding things and ways to heal. I’m a 34 year old woman, if that is relevant.

I am currently developing feelings for one of my coworkers, I am pretty sure he feels the same way about me but I find myself becoming jealous whenever he talks to other people at the office. I constantly worry he will like them better than me. I also worry that I am bothering him by being too needy or clingy. This prevents me from messaging him on weekends or something. I worry I will come across as too needy and it will deter him yet at the same time I worry he will forget me if I don’t. I’m constantly checking his social media accounts, checking to see if he saw mine even though I know his plans for the day and that he isn’t big on social media.

I’m also like this with the very few friends I have. If they don’t answer my messages immediately I assume I did something wrong and that they hate me.

I know this might have something to do with childhood, so here are some random things from mine that stand out to me:

-In kindergarten, I made a boy a painting. He ripped it and gave it back to me.

-My uncle once came over to help my dad with some house repairs and I remember being nearby and talking to them. My cousin later told me that my uncle said I was annoying.

-My dad’s parents always preferred my younger girl cousin over me. They always made a big fuss over her whenever she came over, had gifts for her and were constantly telling her that she was beautiful. I always sat to the side quietly. To contrast this, whenever my mom’s parents tried to get to know me, I never talked much to them because I felt like I didn’t deserve the love or attention.

-In 8th grade, my entire friend group ditched me. It wasn’t sudden, there were little things here and there. They’d always hang out without me and never wait for me for lunch. We used to decorate each other’s lockers for our birthdays, no one ever decorated mine. When I confronted them over it, they said it was because my birthday is in the summer which was a lie since mine was in between two of the other girls who were both in the summer.

-The first guy I was with only wanted me when he was drunk. He would often call me fat, which I wasn’t but that led me on a weight loss path that definitely had some blurred lines with an eating disorder. As a result, I could never fully be open with the second guy. The second guy ended up ghosting me. I gave up on finding someone (but now there is my coworker).

-In 11th grade a second group of friends ditched me. They said I was annoying. As a result, I never bothered making friends in college.

This is all I can think of, but maybe some comments/questions can help me elaborate more if more information is needed.