I’m in my 30s, almost 34, and I feel like I’ve been stuck in a loop for most of my life. I’ve been trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and how to get there, but it’s been an uphill battle. It might not sound positive, but I’ve always tried to keep things realistic. I’m not here to complain or ask for sympathy—I just want to share my story, get some perspective, and maybe hear from others who’ve faced similar struggles.

I’ve been single my whole life. I started trying to date when I was 17, right after school. Back then, I wasn’t one of the good-looking or popular kids. I wasn’t even a bookworm—I was more the geeky, nerdy type who knew way too much about sci-fi, video games, and pop culture. While others were dating and figuring things out, I was just... there.

Now, in my 30s, I’m trying to date people my age—other millennials. But it feels like they’ve moved on to a different stage of life. Most of them are settled, married, or focused on parenting. The dating scene now feels like stepping into a world I don’t quite belong to. I might be an adult in age, but mentally, I sometimes feel like I’m still catching up to where everyone else was 15 years ago.

I’ve tried dating apps, and they’re honestly demoralizing. They’re all about looks. People don’t read your profile—they just swipe left if you don’t immediately grab their attention. I’ve put so much effort into being honest and putting my interests out there, but it seems like that’s not what people want to see. Mentioning video games or board games feels like a death sentence on apps because someone will find it an “ick.”

I’ve also tried speed dating and slow dating events—probably about 25 to 30 in the last few years. It’s always the same story: if you don’t have a good job, haven’t traveled the world, or don’t fit the mold of being “manly” or traditionally attractive, you’re out. Emotional baggage? Nope. Health issues? Double nope. It feels like I’m automatically disqualified just for being myself.

My life hasn’t been easy. I’ve dealt with chronic migraines, depression, and social anxiety for years. I suspect I might have undiagnosed autism or ADHD—something that’s always made me feel a little out of sync with others. I didn’t finish school with great qualifications, and I spent much of my young adult life caring for my father, which left little time for anything else. I even went through a period of not having a bed, sleeping upright in a chair for years. Now, sleeping in a bed feels like a luxury I never take for granted.

I spend my time volunteering, gardening when I can, and playing video games. But I struggle with motivation. It’s hard to focus on improving myself when it feels like I’m constantly starting from scratch. I know people say you should work on yourself before finding someone, but sometimes I wish I had someone to help me through the hard days—to give me that confidence boost or just be there.

I don’t have much faith in religion or spirituality, but I do try to believe in the possibility of change. Maybe aliens are out there; maybe ghosts are real—I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve spent years stuck in this “slug phase” of life. It’s like I’m waiting for something to happen, but I don’t know what.

The truth is, I’ve lost faith in dating—for now. My own advice to myself is to step back, stop looking, and focus on living for myself. Maybe when I’m 40 or 50, things will be different. Maybe then, I’ll have a better sense of who I am and what I want.

For now, I’m just trying to figure it out. I know this isn’t the most uplifting story, but it’s honest. If anyone has advice, thoughts, or even just words of encouragement, I’d love to hear them. Life is tough, but I’m still here, trying to make sense of it all.