Hey, so im 19 and I was seeing a 39 year old woman for a while. She was incredibly smart and wise, she was like the goddess Freya in living flesh.

But, because of my mother having intense control issues and tracking my phone and my car, and my refusal to just take the chance and go on a particular date with her, she went with someone else instead.

We started to talk less and less, and eventually she told me a few months later that she was very smitten with the guy she went on that date with.

She and I ended things with mutual respect and civility, and I don't feel angry or anything toward her. I'm just sad really, and I've let myself to be sad.

The only issue is I keep feeling sadder and more regretful.

I know it's an AGR, but my brain is constantly thinking "what if you had gone? What if you had decided to date her?"

Part of me feels that, objectively, the power imbalance was too great and I wouldn't be able to really date her and it work out. A 10 year age gap isn't so bad, but 20 years, at least for each of us, is a bit much.

On top of that with my mother's bullshit, we really would not have been able to do very much. My mother is absolutely the kind of person to cut complete contact and assistance with everything if she doesn't get her way.

So there's this, that and the other reasons of why it is better for it not to have worked, and how it wouldn't work out, but like-

She was one of the most beautiful and charming women I've ever met. She LIKED me. She had a good career, she was intensely passionate and wise, and she liked talking to me. She genuinely desired me.

I don't know what to do with myself these days, I know I will never meet someone like her again.

Which, im aware enough to know that that is how every love is; there is not ever going to be a love identical to another person's. On the one hand that's really hopeful, because there are so many different kinds of love that exist. But on the other, the idea that I'll never get the chance to be with her is crushing me, even as I take measures to process these emotions and deal with things in a healthy way.

To people that have gotten over these kinds of things or have moved on from them, what is your advice? What worked for you?