Hello~! So, I have a weird 'dating / social-connection' problem that I've never really talked about with anyone, and I'm wondering if maybe I can receive some guidance...

Basically, I'm an androgynous guy with kind of a young appearance/style who is mostly only attracted to feminine types of people (generally in an older age range like mid-30's to mid-50's mostly), but I only ever receive sexual attention from much younger women (like 18-22) and occassionally guys. I keep getting caught in these situations where these younger girls I share spaces with in daily life are flirting with me and making lots of physical contact and asking to spend time together, but it feels weird to consider dating them. (As for the guys who hit on me, they're always kinda macho and I'm not interested.)

On the other hand, I do actively try to foster connections with older women I meet and befriend, but they're never ever interested in me because I look and act too feminine. I literally always get turned down by the older women I'm attracted to. With the younger women I've had plenty of opportunities to at least have sex, but I'd never want them to feel like I was just using them, so as a result I'm still a virgin at 32, and it feels like I'm falling extremely behind on some important parts of life..

Are women 30 just only attracted to very masculine men? I HATE conventional masculinity, like it's fine for others but I would never ever want to start growing out my facial hair or dressing in a macho way, but it feels like the only way I will ever be able to make romantic connections would be to sacrifice my self-expression and tone down my playfulness. I'm STARVING for connection but I don't want to lose myself to achieve it.

Should I maybe try being just a little more masculine just to see if it attracts older women better? I'm just scared that any woman who will date me will try to sculpt me to be more like her dad or something lol

Or maybe I should just be myself and try accepting dates as they come to me? Like, maybe even getting closer with more masculine guys will help me appreciate masculinity better ? Like, I've still never even been on a date as an adult!

Lol I'm honestly at a loss and feeling confused in this period of my life, and it feels good to at least talk about this for once 😓 Any ideas ?