For context, my closest friend and I have known each other since elementary school. My friend and I had gotten super close since the beginning of the year, and over the summer. We have been hanging out nearly every day and if we didn't hang out we would text and call each other every night. We were classic best friends. She had stopped posting on social media, and told me that she was very busy in her life and that's why she wasn't posting or talking to me much.

She was going to go to my birthday party. We talked about it all summer and then a day before she said she couldn't come and when I tried to message her asking why, she ghosted me.

This hurts me as i had a few weeks before driven 3 hours to see her, (I live half a state away), and went out of my way just to see her on her birthday, and she was so happy at the gesture, and since her birthday we have been talking and she was helping me directly planning for when my birthday was going to be. 

She told me about how she was going on a solo trip to London and in the fall and we had been talking, it during the summer. I had previously asked if I could come with and she told me that it was going to be a solo trip for her to “find herself” and stuff like that, And i completely respected that and was happy for her. I later found out her best friend was going with her on her trip, which I found weird because she had told me that she was going alone. I asked her about this, and she told me that her mom was personally asked her best friend to go with her because she is ‘street smart’ That's totally fine by me, and i think it’s reasonable to want to do something with someone else, and i don't see that as favoritism. People have more than one friend and that's completely normal and never brought it up again because it was never an issue and I'm worried she thought about it more than that.  

I would ask her a few times leading up to my birthday, and she always reassured me that she wouldn't miss out on it, and I know that my friend missing my birthday party isn’t the end of our friendship, but the fact that she bailed on it the day before, after constantly reassuring me that she would come, on top of all the other things, It just stings. 

I noticed when i was on my posting on my art account, that she had a story on her social media making me realize that she HAD been posting this whole time, and I realized my main account was blocked and i didnt know how long i was blocked for because she said she said was taking a break from social media, which clearly wasn’t the case.

I had my suspicions that something weird was going on, with her not talking to me as much lately, and especially after she bailed on my birthday, but I thought it was probably just overthinking things too much, and that she was just actually really busy right now. She was my best friend after all and there couldn’t possibly be anything that could hurt our friendship, at least so I thought. 

Once I noticed she had me blocked, I had so many thoughts running through my head and felt really hurt and sad. I decided to ask her why she had me blocked. And i asked her if I did anything wrong to warrant being blocked She then sent me this text which seemed completely out of the blue:

"Hey, I need to address something that’s been bothering me. It made me really uncomfortable to find out you used a separate account to check my page just because you felt you were hidden from my story. I want to be clear that it’s not weird to me that you didn’t see the post—it’s my decision what I share and with whom. I know you’ve expressed your discomfort with (HER BEST FRIEND), but I’m not okay with the jealousy that comes up when I spend time with her. It crosses a line for me.

I’m currently on a trip to London and I’m trying to enjoy it, so I don’t appreciate receiving messages like this or being stalked online. It’s really invasive and is adding unnecessary stress.

I also want to address something else. While I enjoy hanging out with you both, I’ve realized I have limits when it comes to going out and partying. I’ve started prioritizing low-key activities because it’s better for my mental and physical health. I know you guys enjoy nightlife, and while I appreciate the fun energy, it’s just not for me anymore. I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel like I need to restate it. 

On top of that, it’s really draining for me to constantly reassure you about our friendship, especially when it comes to me spending time with other friends. Friendship shouldn’t require me to be there at your beck and call to prove I care. We don’t need to hang out every weekend for our connection to be valid. Some of my closest friendships go weeks or even months without constant interaction, but they never make me question their trust in me.

And honestly, I’ve been hesitant to bring this up because I’ve seen how you’ve reacted in other friendships. Sometimes, it feels like you assume there’s something more going on when someone just needs a bit of space. I really don’t want that to happen with us, which is why it’s been hard for me to say this.

This summer has been hard—I’ve lost sleep, developed bad habits and even lost respect from others because I’ve stretched myself too thin trying to keep up. I need you to respect my space and boundaries moving forward

Let’s hold off on long messages for now and talk when I get back in person. That way, we can have a more productive conversation. Thanks for understanding. Best regards from your friend, X"

My first impression was so confused, because she has never spoke in such a weird manor like this before, and She has never sent such a long message like this before, which caught me off guard. 

It makes me sad to think that she feels as though I am stalking her or thinks that I had some weird intentions when viewing her story, or she thinks that I looked at her story from another account on purpose. I was just on my other account and noticed that she had posted something, and viewed it. She also has several other accounts for her art, photography, ect, and I wouldn’t think it was strange for her secondary accounts to view me at all. 

I’m also slightly disturbed by the comment about jealousy when, for a slight bit more backstory,at the beginning of summer she came up to my house, as previously stated i live half a state away, and make the trek to see her but she decided she drove to my house to stay for a week. 

We were at goodwill bins and i found a stuffed lobster and i thought it looked funny so i bought it for 2$ and later on we ended up taking a photo with it and i was going to post it on my story but she asked me not to because her best friend would be jealous, because apparently they eat crab boil a lot together and that it was  “their thing”

I can't help but wonder because she is used to hanging out with a jealous friend, that she would say that about me but i have never given her a reason to think that other than when i brought up this lobster situation to her a few days later because i thought i was weird i wasn't allowed to post something on my own story. I also noticed a pattern that on weekends where I would drive to town her best friend would book her up with tickets for things, events, whatnot.

And the last instance i can recall that might be close to that is we all went to the ren faire and i 3rd wheeled really hard with her and her best friend. They would walk together and i would walk behind them trying to catch up, and they didn't talk to me almost the entire time, just talking to each other and leaving me out of the conversation,  I brought this up the day after and I thought that i asked in a gentle way that didn't make me seem like I was being jealous in my eyes, and without coming at her too aggressively I just politely explained why i felt like i was left out and thought everything was cool. I always really wanted her best friend to like me too, the weirdest thing to me is i've always wanted her to talk to me the way she talks to her best friend, so playful and goofy, the way me and her talk, but her best friend talks to me like i'm her cousin, really formal even though i try and hit her with like “heyyy whats up dawg” or “omg slayyy girl yes bestie”. 

She always told me that I could talk to her about anything and if I ever had any issues to bring it up to her, and she had always been extremely adamant on bringing things up right when I think of them so things never have to spiral into more than it is. After we had talked about my feelings about how she was treating me when she was with her best friend, i thought everything was all good, however her bringing up that she thinks im jealous leads me to believe that everything we talked about wasn’t all good and that she's been thinking of me in that way ever since

This is why I believe she had me blocked from seeing her story. She was posting about her hanging out with her other friends and kept it hidden from me because she didn’t want me to see it. It makes me really sad because she was posting all about her London trip that we had talked about together, and I never got to see any of it. because she didn’t want me to. I guess she thought that it would make me too ‘jealous’ as she puts it. I never want anyone to feel like they had to walk on eggshells around me. 

To this day her best friend is one of the first people to view my story every time which leads me to believe she is keeping tabs on me, or not, take that one with what you will. If that is the case I find it to be pretty ironic considering how she reacted over me viewing her story. 

It seems that she is clearly setting a boundary here in this message, however I’m not sure why now,  since we already weren’t talking for weeks before I had asked her this, and she hasn't told me anything other than her being ‘busy’ and i've been in the dark. It seems like just me asking her made her upset. 

I don’t understand why there is so much passive aggressiveness in her message, and it kind of seems like she's upset that i caught her having blocked me, and that she didn’t want me to know, because she brought up to many random things when I was just asking her for the first time 

Her entire demeanor changed so suddenly, and before we used to talk about anything and everything, she's the second closest I've ever been with anybody, nexto my fiance. We got tattoos together, did shrooms, and painted together. It feels weird to be talking to someone who's so mad at me and I don;t know why, when she's the person i would normally come to with things like this.

Because she told me not to respond until she is back I have been workshopping my feelings and responses of what I would say to her. I feel like these are just my immediate thoughts as I read it over however this is not what i would want to say to her. Something like, I don’t think it’s healthy to have friends who are of the belief that they can hide their story from whoever you choose while claiming to be friends and an open honest person, to me it feels shady and unnecessarily exclusionary for a reason I still don’t know despite previously being super communicative. 

I don’t know what she means by ‘she doesn’t appreciate receiving messages like this’ when all i sent her was a question asking why she had me blocked, I didn't think that was very invasive or a message that she would find offensive, especially based on how close we were. I would have thought I could message her just about anything, and I have been very vulnerable and open with each other before.

Again, it seems as though she's upset with me for finding out that she pulled all this, and makes me believe that if i hadn’t noticed, she would have never mentioned it and I would just be in the dark as I was before, thinking she was just as she said “really busy with life”, when in reality she was going out still and posting about her time with her other friends. She just didn't want ME to see any of that. 

She was the person who introduced me to partying and nightlife, and the only times i ever went out was with her and when it was her idea, and since she has stopped talking to me, I’ve only gone out two or three times with my fiance since, and I guess since i’ve posted about it on my story and shes seen that i’ve been out maybe she somehow thinks that means that we want to go out with her which is weird to me because our hangouts used to consist of nature walks, beach days, or crafting. but i’ve never asked her to go out with me, since she was the one who always asked me.

I don't ever remember throughout my friendship with her having to have her reassure me that she is my friend, I don’t know where that in particular is coming from. My best guess is that when she's referring to her ‘spending time with other friends’ she is talking about her best friend, and the time i confided in her how i felt left out at the ren faire, which didn’t seem like that big of a deal, and as previously stated, we talked about it and I thought that we were all good, and i would have thought she would have brought it up to me if there was any issue by now. 

I don’t need her to be there for me at ‘her beck and call’, I think she is referring to me being sad about her not being able to come to my birthday, because after she said she couldn’t come, I messaged her telling her that i was able to move the date of the party just so she could make it, with no response. It feels as though she is seeing me as some sort of clingy girlfriend that wants to see her every day and gets sad whenever i’m not able to hang out with her or thinks that she doesn’t like me anymore just because she is hanging out with her other friends. When anyone would notice this change in pattern from talking everyday to no response.  It’s just so weird hearing the person who wanted to hang out every chance we got and the person who texted and called me nearly every single day, all of a sudden is putting up these boundaries that were never there before. I hope that she doesn’t think that I don’t respect boundaries, I do respect her boundaries, but it feels like she's putting up a wall. but that's why i’m here on reddit asking.  

She said that she was hesitant to bring all this up to me because of how I've reacted over previous friendships before. She's referring to another time in which I confided in her about a situation I was in with one of my other friends. For further context, I had a friend that was lying to me about something important, and i wont get into the specifics about it, and I confided with her about it. She ended up telling me that it would probably be for the best if i stopped being friends with this person all together. 

I've been learning a lot about open communication, just like she would always talk about, and not worrying or assuming anything and just talking about it if there is anything. But I feel like she hasn't been doing what she preaches, I find it weird that every time I would bring up something about my other friend that I felt uncomfortable with, that she would agree, and even give me advice. As a friend I don’t come to her to gossip about it for no reason,I’m literally talking to her because I trust her advice and wisdom.

She states that she doesn’t have to constantly reassure me that she is still my friend, even though I don't recall ever needing her reassurance, except maybe asking why she blocked me, and she also says that I think something more is going on, when ironically it turns out that there was something wrong and something more going on. 

For her to say in this message that my friend I was talking to her with, ‘probably just needed some space from me’ leads me to believe she's talking directly about herself and how she needs space from me. I find it silly that she says she doesn’t need us to hang out all the time when before this summer we would hang out only a few times a year ,so she should know I know that. 

I had no idea that she was avoiding talking to me because of this, and makes me wonder if every other time I have confided in her about something that she was secretly judging me then too. 

She said in her message that she believes that her friends have lost respect for her for going out, which i feel is weird to bring up to me, because I feel like that doesn’t have anything to do with what i asked her and what we’re  talking about, and it makes me feel like shes lost respect for me, or that she's blaming me for the loss of respect that she has. To me It seems like she's trying to hint at something, bringing up these other  things to make me feel worse or guilt trip me to make it seem as though it's my fault that these totally unrelated things happened to her.

Saying let's hold off on long messages makes me feel as though she is shutting down any response, and basically everything I’ve been saying here are my mixed thoughts on what I might say in response to her, but I don’t really know, which Is why I am posting here on reddit. I’m afraid this relationship isn’t good for me, but we have been friends for so long and i love her so much, i just don’t know what to do. Please give me some advice.