TLDR: bf has been suggesting to try things with a girl and possibly progress to having more people involved. I’m not against the idea it’s just that when I said I’m ok with it he’s being a bit rushed and I want to go slow as in if it happens it happens.

Hi everyone,

I 21f have been with my bf 23m for about 1 and a half years. This is my first bf and im not the romantic type to say that I do believe that we are soulmates.

I’m not that great at explaining things so bear with me as I try to explain the best I can. At the beginning of our relationship I talked about how I’m bi and would be open to the idea of doing it with a girl and he would love to watch. He has said from the start that he wanted to always see girls do it in front of him. I’m open to the Idea and I’ve mentioned that I’d like to try this swinging thing. To clarify when we were talking about this it wasn’t like a serious conversation in fact it was very laid back and jokey.

Since we trust each other and are set in stone forever (planning to get married). We thought about doing OF and have started on twitter which has been going well. As time goes on he’s been a bit more hand on with this whole idea. Again I’m cool with it but i need a bit more time as in I’ve not been feeling it and it’s moving too fast. I have talked to him about it but it’s like he’s hearing and understanding what I’m saying but he’s being tunnel visioned. The best I can describe how my bf is, is he’s the type of guy that if I said that I want to start going to the gym he’d be super supportive but will become a bit overbearing, i know he wants me to reach my goal but it’s too much the way he does things.

Anyway, I also want to explore the things he wants but I have this anxiety that our relationship will change (not in a bad way). I just want a typical normal relationship (I grew up around chaos so this is what I want). Even if I really enjoy it I don’t want it to be a regular thing. I also don’t really want to be sleeping with multiple men or women even if he’s okay with it. The thing is if I weren’t with him I would’ve done it but because I’ve met him my perspective has changed. I feel so conflicted. I have spoken to him about this and we both things we want to do and not regret doing them. On the other side, I don’t think I could look at him the same even if I say I’m ok with it. What I’m trying to say it that I’ll be ok in the moment but when I go to bed I’ll think that I just let him do that with another woman or he just let me to it with another guy. To be clear my bf does love me a lot and we get along so well and discuss problems im not very good with my words but he gets what I’m trying to say. On this matter he thinks I’ll come around because I said I was open to it. When I said this he’s being a bit rushed.

I would appreciate any advice on this. I know I’ve not explained it well hope I can clarify.