I guess you all heard of "sense of familiarity". I always know I am attracted to certain people. Something became clearer 2 days ago.

While growing up I needed to work harder to earn a reward/s, constant source of getting approval from someone for something/anything. Now I seek the same. I am attracted to people who gives me less approval, less to no attention, affection.

It is not like I haven't tested the waters, I tried dating wonderful people, who has much to offer, but I feel trapped and no where to escape, unfamiliar and uncomfortable, so always end up rejecting them.

I'm tired of all the hard work with no reward at the end. I want to work less, with good enough rewards but I want to feel human too.

I want someone to know me and pull me out whenever I go into rabbit hole.