I feel like I'm fumbling the bag with love and I know it's not the case (for some)

My first relationship:two years

was my highschool crush and we went on to do cool things often, dated for a year and then even moved out for a year and I got to experience what an adult life style was like at 18. We broke up because once we moved back home she wanted to immediately move out again and said we're heading out. I didn't feel ready to leave my family and friends again and we just respectfully broke it off, stayed FWB for a month and then she wanted a relationship outside of sex and I told her to persue that. She moved away. still kept in touch about our lives as we're still friends.

I then spent two years out of a relationship and just focused on work and school. Felt the urge to get back to dating and I installed tinder.

Second relationship: two weeks

met up with a girl on tinder and we really hit it off the first date. She was super into me and I was super into her, we kissed and things got a bit...too exciting first date? She basically touched my junk and I was so craving the attention that I went for her more. It was mostly a sex filled relationship with small dates in-between. One day I had to leave her apartment early and she got into a slight argument with me and just stopped talking to me that morning. So I said fuck it, left and told her to lose my number as I'm not being with someone who's being immature about having a job (she was a student at the time) and she tried to hit me up for a FWB and I told her no.

Took another small break which was like a months and matched with another girl.

Third relationship: lasted a couple days as it was another woman from tinder this time. Basically she was Asian and her dad found out that I wasn't Asian and made her break it off. I know this isn't my fault but she was a very nice girl who I was taking it slow with.

Then I met other girls and nothing came out of it for about two years and only two dates under my belt.

Fourth relationship: about a week and a half

another girl this time bumble and she was very mature. She knew what she wanted and even sat me down the first date and spoke about her boundaries, her life and what she's expecting and we lined up pretty good. Had a heart to heart and she was feeling very flirty and we just went home, spoke on the phone for a couple days and she had no breaks that week. Then finally has the second at her house. We chilled and watched Netflix and just hung out and had fun. Was about to leave and she pulled me in and we had sex. Then we had some dates without sex and during a phone call I made a sexual joke at a wrong time and she hung up on me, called me the next day and said the entire time we've know each other she's been having doubts about dating especially with her history, had bad vibes that had nothing to do with me and said "it's just a feeling that I'm doing something wrong but I'm a firm believer in trusting my gut and I'm going for it." She said she really liked me and I told her to keep my number incase she ever changed her mind. Never did. I definitely fucked that one up regardless of what she told me.

Fifth relationship: 6 months online and 4 days irl

Basically after we broke it off another girl who knew me only on discord said she liked me and I liked her too. We've known each other for about two years and we vibes really well, everyone thought we'd end up meeting up and we just didn't acknowledge our feelings for each other. We flirted online for about 6 months before she was feeling confident to meet me. Told her I'd like to meet her and even paid for half her flight. She came and hung out for 4 days and we had an awesome time, we only kissed and had a slight sexual moment where she said she wasn't ready and I accepted that. We started having problems with making time for each other. I have a sick family member and work and I'm having to juggle my life around that at the moment. She couldn't get this feeling the moment was gone and eventually, she stopped talking to me for a couple days to reflect and came back and we both agreed that maybe this wasn't the best idea.

I won't lie, I feel fucking useless. I try so hard to find love only it to fizzle out of my hand and I'm back feeling depressed and stuck over the last girl for a few months.