(27F) Sorry if this ends up a word vomit mess, I’ve been driving myself insane the past few days. For context, I have absolutely zero experience in dating or intimacy beyond a couple bouts of sexting with strangers over the years. I could never bring myself to meet anyone in person and I’ve never really been approached in person before either. The thing that’s been holding me back my whole life is constant body insecurity as a bigger person. I’m the kind of overweight where I can make it less obvious with what I wear and look cute, but when I take off my clothes and look in the mirror, it feels like a gut punch. I have some features that I actually really like about myself, like my hair, my face, my moles, my chest. I just carry much more of my excess weight in my stomach and I always see men saying they love curvy, chubby, or thick girls but it’s usually just hourglass figures (which I totally understand as someone who also finds that body type beautiful so no shame there). It’s just hard because I crave intimacy and affection and the feeling of being desired, but I feel too paralyzed with fear of rejection to properly expose myself to another person. If I can be confident in one thing, I think I have a lovely personality and I’m usually the one in a social setting that’s seen as the goofy bubbly sweetheart type of friend, which is nice but also definitely doesn’t help my struggle with feeling sexy because I’m automatically put in the “sweet friend” box and never moved anywhere else. I’m just tired of feeling lonely and undesirable and I want human connection. I want to put myself out there and explore my sexuality and experience these things I’ve always missed out on and maybe form a connection with the right person, but it’s so difficult to find the right approach. I’ve been using a hookup app to have online fun recently (which has been a lot of fun tbh) as well as dating apps to try to find a spark with someone, but I don’t know if there’s a certain way I should try going about things online or if I should be trying different ways to meet new people in person. Sorry this was definitely a mess lol just feeling kind of vulnerable right now and could use some kind advice