Tldr: I rejected a guy by telling him that I would never want to date anyone ever. That was very true at the time. now a year later the guy and I are still friends, but I want to think about dating. Is it worse to ask him if he still likes me or to date strangers and have him think I was just giving excuses not to date him?

I 24f was asked out by one of my closest friends 26m last year. I liked him, but I am not the type of person to date or be in a relationship ever. I am really ugly and I also have a ton of issues and roadblocks that would make me a terrible partner. At this point I’m really planning to never have any sort of long term sexual relationship. And I told him that when he asked me out.

There was an awkward period for a while but we are back to good terms. We hang out 1:1 and we joke as well as talk about deep stuff.

I have started considering dating again. Maybe because in hormonal idk. I’m not even sure it will last. So I went on like 2 hinge dates. Both were awful but my friend found out about them and I feel super guilty. The hinge dates are just me testing the waters to see if I even like the idea of dating, and that’s absolutely not something I’d want to do with him.

I have considered going to a sex therapist though to see if that will help. But even then if I feel ready to date, is it awful of me to ask if he is still interested after I made him get rid of all his feelings? Or is it worse to start dating after I told him that I never would?

He is honestly part of the reason I don’t date becuse I don’t want him to feel like I was just blowing him off last year. I was quite serious about never dating.