So I moved in with my girlfriend at the time a year ago. I got a job at Amazon and moved across the whole country to be with her. This is the second time I’m on my own as an adult. I treated her very well the first few months but I made a stupid decision and pulled out a loan because I could afford it at the time to try and invest the money and got ripped off thousands of dollars. She told me it wasn’t a good idea and I considered her opinion, but she still holds it against me. Things started to fall apart when she unlawfully was terminated from her job and they owe her wages. We suddenly were incredibly poor and couldn’t even afford to buy food at the grocery store. Then when the whole thing with Ukraine happened the gas prices went up and life got tougher for her. She was barely affording rent and every two weeks she’d be able to pay barely living paycheck to paycheck. Then I got injured at work and had to go on medical leave and I barely was able to afford rent. She wasn’t able to find a job for 2 months and I had to pay the full rent while on medical leave. That was incredibly inconvenient to me because I had to fix my car so I took out a loan through the company at a 200% interest rate after 90 days. Then she got a job I told her that she would have to pay me back the full amount in two months which was about $600. I was incredibly depressed around the house barely able to function and clean up after myself. She grew more cold and distant because she had told me that she likes a clean house and doesn’t like picking up after people, but at the same time she wants to be taken care of in every aspect. We lived like this for 8 months until finally I had enough and when she said she didn’t want to be together anymore I decided to take care of myself properly. Of course this is just skimming through the details. She tells me that she wants to focus on herself and not be in a relationship with anybody. We were still friendly with one another. Anyway now let’s get into what happened tonight. she tells me that she has to be up at 8am for work and has to be in bed by 10pm. Today is the anniversary of the death of her best friend from three years ago which also happens to be our anniversary as a couple. So she starts drinking and playing VR chat. She ends up playing and drinking until 1am or 2am. So I’m cleaning the whole house when suddenly I hear her puking violently at the toilet. I go check on her and she tells me things like “fuck off” or “I don’t want you around me” so I give her space and decide to pick up my guitar because she had been treating me like that from the start whenever she was upset with something I did that she didn’t like so I decide after a few more minutes that I want to go outside instead, but as I have my hand on the doorknob I hear her drop to the floor and start chocking. I rush back to find her chocking on vomit dying so I save her life and hoist her up to carry her to what used to be both our bedroom before she made me sleep on the couch. Then I start shaking her whenever she’d almost pass out and hear her gasp for air. She then starts screaming in emotional pain for her dead friend for 2 hours while I comfort her. Then after all that she clings to me and tells me that “no matter what happens in this moment right now I love you and I appreciate you saving my life even though I probably won’t when I’m sober.” So I leave her alone because she wants to be alone and I come back to check on her about ten minutes later and I find out that she’s on the phone with one of her VR chat friends which is fine but then I hear her say to me are you jealous because he called me baby and I flip out with pure unbridled rage, slam the bedroom door shut, and yell at the top of my lungs. I was so angry that I accidentally broke my cat’s cat tree. Then she comes out and tries to tell me we aren’t together and she’s free to see whoever she wants. Even though we agreed very rockily to try and give me time to work on my issues. So then she starts telling me all kinds of mean things and I just keep asking her to listen to me but she doesn’t want to listen and I had my arms on her shoulders already so I shook her a little more than normal. Then she got defensive and though I was going to assault her and backed up into a corner. Of course I didn’t because I’m not a psychopathic abuser. I just stood there and said the thing I’ve always said to her “I will never hurt you intentionally” then when no communication was given I moved away from blocking the door to the bedroom. But the only reason I did that was because she always says something mean to me and avoid the topic and hides away. In the morning she comes out to tell me she hates me and she’s going to live at her parents for a few days. Ultimately I want to make it work between us. I need help and don’t know how to handle a situation like this. Also this is my bias so who knows what she’s feeling. One of the reasons she’s bitter is because when I was sad I would sleep all day and she felt inadequate as a lover because she does (or did) care about me and felt like she couldn’t make me happy.