So I’ll preface this by saying that I am a 21 year old living in the UK, working a fairly-paid job (I have no intent to discuss my work here) with a decent amount of free time, so my circumstances are not dire and this is not a self-deprecation post.

I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on something for me. I’m a 6’3”, moderately muscular but untoned, heterosexual Caucasian fella with what I would like to say are average looks (solid 6.5/10), a good sense of humour, but a severe lack of self-confidence. I often third-wheel for couples, I give relationship advice to people in dire straits that seems to improve their situation when they take it, and I do try to be as unassuming as possible. I’m kind, generous and honest to a fault. People at work are always trying to “big me up” to get me to ask that girl out or get that girls number, but I just don’t have the skills or confidence to do so.

I’m very confused.

Many people at work say things like “If I weren’t taken, I’d say yes if you asked”, or “If I were straight, I would date you” which gives me a little confidence boost for an hour or so, but then I realise that they can comfortably say that because they HAVE something already. I know it’s intended nicely, but sours a little over thought.

I know that there are MANY years ahead of me for finding someone, but the repetitive “There’s someone out there for everyone” or “You’re still young” doesn’t help with how I feel about wanting a partner NOW.

I don’t want any sympathy comments, but just some insight into why I feel like I’m better at third-wheeling for others than at my own dating life.

[To add onto this, I hate the “club scene” because it’s too loud and just feels unromantic, I’ve been on six different dating apps for three years now, with little to no success, and I have someone at work I’d like to ask out, but I know she’ll say no, and don’t really feel like adding a rejection to my stress levels right now.]

TL;DR: I lack self confidence and am confused as to why. Why don’t people who are taken understand how I feel?

Edit: I should clarify that my confidence issue is only around people I know or those I have romantic interests in. I’m fairly confident around strangers as part of my work.