so i (23m) think i am guilty of lovebombing. the first time would’ve been with a girl my junior of college. we were friends well enough and i asked her out on a date and she said yes. we had a good time and after the first date i gave her a cd i burned…we didn’t really have any conversations about what we were doing, we hung out a couple more times in my room, the 2nd or so time i tried to kiss her, it was awkward and too soon…she didn’t seem too into the “relationship” so to try and convince her i wrote her a letter saying how much i liked her and it wasn’t even true, i just wanted her to like me…i would also try and text her cute things about how i liked her, but it’s just how i wanted to feel…she always wanted to hang with her other friends more than me and i would guilt trip her for it…when hanging out with friends i leaned on her shoulder like we were a cute couple bc i wanted to be…for her bday i got her a big bottle of her favorite wine and a mug, we still hadn’t discussed what we were…we had a conversation and we decided to stop whatever it was we were doing

i knew i was toxic but i couldn’t stop it

next time was my senior year of college. we were once again friends enough before i asked her out. i set up a surprise picnic at the park near my house, we talked for hours…that night i text her that i had a great time and i looked forward to getting to know her better, presumptuous much?…she’s very into her studies and i guilt tripped her into studying with me when she prefers studying alone, i tried not to but somehow couldn’t help it…i would compliment her frequently, she had low self esteem and i thought i could boost it…i would tell her how much i liked her and it wasn’t true, i wanted to make her feel good…for her bday i got her loose tea inspired by her favorite movie and a tea infuser inspired by her favorite show, we hadn’t defined the relationship…all we ever really did was watch this one anime in my room and awkwardly cuddle…i also feel like i neglected my friends a little bit…we eventually put an end to whatever it was after winter break

so i’m very clearly toxic and i think i love bombed…should i apologize? this is one of my greatest shames…i’m bipolar and i’ve done some crazy things also i think my mom is a narcissist