Since 2017 I have been in an cyclical on again/off again relationship with my now ex.

It wasn’t a good relationship by any measure, I’d never really been in any kind of relationship like that before and they’d been in at least 3 or 4 prior ones, one of which produced two now teenage children. I was happy and excited at first and didn’t realize initially what it would be like moving forwards and boy did I not expect what would happen.

It turned out they’d only wanted to “be with me” as I was getting financial support from my father an they’d seen that as a way to get money or good from me under the false promise of intimacy and spending time together, which never actually occurred despite my continued helping them, eventually I’d grown tired of being expected to do things and being manipulated that I said enough was enough and ended it, this repeated itself about half a dozen times before just recently ending once and for all.

I am now unsure of how I should be feeling as I had genuine feelings for my ex, I guess I feel empty and find thoughts drifting toward them and I want to contact them in spite of what I know will happen.