There's no one point or issue I'm trying to tackle here. I feel like reflecting, observing, even venting, and seeing what thoughtful things others may have to say. Or possibly, just enjoying the best of the trolls.

I'm in my late 20s and single for the first time in nearly a decade. Male, probably should add that bit. It's been a bit bewildering to learn to navigate and mingle with people, to find my confidence again, to find my "fuck it all I'm not taking any of your games too seriously" mindset, so forth.

I've seen many things that I did not expect, and many things I accept as reality while I cannot accept them as anything approaching acceptable behavior.

Well anyway…

In the short of it I'm finding it very hard to find people who are single, who are not hopelessly jaded or distant, who have some measure of decency, who have intellect, and who have sexuality.

For one, it appears this is the time of life where everyone is getting married, is having babies, and are drifting off into their own little white-picket-fence worlds. That sounded bitter. Power to them, but I have skepticism as I've seen what our parents have become.

So it seems, now is a bad time to become single and be in that post-divorce mindset. (The, hey I'm not going to put boxes or expectations on upcoming relationships mindset. Also, the I'm NOT looking for my forever, someone to live with, or any such.)

The good ones are taken; I'm not brave enough to ask which are poly, and which are swingers….

Mainly, the good ones do seem to be taken. I know several gals my age with this astounding blend of intelligence, fun, humor, responsibility, sexuality, and inquisitive nature. In short, women, not girls.

Of course quite literally all of them are engaged or married.

Who are left? A few nice asexual gals. (Had a one night stand with one. She was curious what sex was like. Now she knows, and we just talk Dr. Who stuff now.) Quite a few jaded-single-ladies. Their trust issues are far greater than my need to not be alone can carry me. The rest seem to be, without fail, shallow vacuous girls. NOT women.

You know the type. 27 going on 14. Just imagine the esteemed Mr. Bilbo Baggins exclaiming "No thank you."

Which brings me to other points. Since splitting ways with the lovely gal that spent a full third of her life with me, I've learned a lot about what drives people to do what they do, through my experiences, others, and just watching and overhearing shit at the bar.

I had Polyanna glasses I think. I failed to realize just how shallow and sociopathic most people really are. (Probably includes you, dear reader…)

Oh those looks of disdain on the faces of the gals at the bars for any man who wasn't 6' or taller, didn't wear the right clothes, didn't know the right TV shows, so on. Also, actually having somewhat of a friendship with a few of these type of socialite gals, being their "beta" in the redpill-people parlance, being their listening post for their dating frustrations. Asking probing questions, learning what really makes them tick.

I now realize that men do not in any way have a monopoly on douchebaggery, sleazery, vanity, and status-seeking.

But my mind took it a step further. I started watching literally everyone and realized most all of us date for status.

However, and here comes the flames the downvoting and all sorts of nastiness, I realize this is much more pervasive with women. Of course my view is limited to "people living in Fresno, California, United States, in the second decade of the 21st century" so feel free to point that out again.

My writing tangents easily, I'll restate.

My experiences are teaching me that women seem to date PRIMARILY for status. Will he be the tool to rise in my social pecking-order and make the other women intimidated? It's not just material things, though those seem to count for a lot, but above and beyond all pure unadulterated status and the feeling of power. That is what women date for.

Now, before you use that pitchfork, remember that up above I was talking about the captivating good-hearted women I know. At the end of the day, yes, there is no such thing as "women" just a whole lot of individual persons that happen to be female.

Still, I see a striking pattern across all those individual women I have encountered.

Is this a US social conditioning problem? Likely our Lord-of-the-Flies society makes it worse. Those who study evolutionary psychology would suggest there are instinctual cues to behave this way. I'd say humans don't have to be savages and we can rise above our instincts and thus become civilized.

But usually I am way too generous in giving humans credit. By and large, most people are savages. (that happen to own iPhones, hold jobs, and raise families, and generally follow laws, but only because they must.)

Another point: I think I've learned what drives our romantic relationships. I am here to say it is NOT "love."

I've become convinced it is fear, insecurity, and the will to dominate another's life, and this becomes manifest in our emotion of jealousy. Jealousy is THE defining and driving power in every relationship I have seen. Even the wonderful one I had that slowly died as we changed in different ways.

We romance because we need to be needed. I know I sure due. Attendant there's always the fear that we will not be needed. It's a real fear, though single for 10 months now I haven't been needed in several years by anyone, and the pain is real too. It's a horrible thing to confront.

Still, it drives us to absolutely bonkers behaviors in our relationships. Frankly, we make a institution of this to the point where we own our S.Os more or less as property. God it's not healthy. I've seen that proof in our parents and grandparents and I'm starting to see it now with my friends.

Then there's something just alien to me personally, but very real. The separate need to control your partner. Not out of fear of abandonment, but out of a direct lust for that control. I don't fathom it, but I've seen it.

Well ramblings cut short, these things together, along with some past experiences and situations, have made me slowly and fully question the concept of monogamy. And I have found that concept to be lacking, and I have come to reject monogamy as an unhealthy way to live.

Don't worry, I'm not here to ramble on about how my dating life looks as I start embracing polyamory. I'll leave that for /r/polyamory.

Moving on.

I've been somewhat blessed to find out I'm really into all sorts of women. Slept with 4 women over 45. Dated one of them.

I like that older women are direct. They're past games and being full of their own importance. Really I think that inflated sense of self is the only reason people my age and younger continue to play silly dating games.

I just relate with the older women. They're more rounded as people. My four were all open with their sexuality.

Just a shame that the one I dated and the other I tried to date were, in the end, ashamed of being involved with a "young man." (God, I'm damned near 30…) Also DEFINITE trust issues.

As a P.S.A. yes open communication is a must in any relationship. But you're a fool to think that in the end open communication can overcome trust issues. It's tragic, but I see that once trust issues are embedded, that person becomes "unloveable." They actually will be forever alone because your genuine affection has become a conditioned red-flag to run for their lives. Quite literally for their lives.

Talking about the open sexuality of older women is a great time to point out the opposite for women my age.

Women my age are DAMNED ashamed to have any sexuality at all. "Deeply repressive" would be a term that would smack of capital T Truth.

Is this because I live in a very religious and culturally "conservative" area? Probably doesn't help, but I get the sneaking suspicion that most all American women are ashamed of sex.

Speaking of religion, quick rant, but I'm so sick of every girl out there (IRL, okcupid, etc.) looking for "the one." What the FUCK is so Goddamned important that the very next man you fancy has to be your forever partner? Fuck you organized religion.</RANT>

Anyway, sex shame. It's real, it's pervasive, and only sleazy "game" accompanied by copious amounts of alcohol can overcome it. I can understand, while not agreeing with, the "redpill" misogynistic crowd. Their only viable solution to a rigged and somewhat inhumane game was to invent an even more rigged and inhumane game, in their favor. And no, I also cannot accept those who retort to those redpill people "why don't you try being a real man for a change."

Real men still can't overcome sex shame. They will not overcome programming that says marriage-path or no relationship at all. The script is too strong.

While we're at it, I'm surprised to notice just how ashamed of sex my male friends are. It seems like no one can have a happy accepting attitude towards sexuality. Most everyone I know personally wants to act like it just doesn't happen, and babies actually are delivered by the stork…..

Actually, no one seems to want to openly discuss and share in the travails of dating. The whole thing is treated as one big sordid affair, despite the work of not-being-alone is one of the personally greatest and most universal works undertaken by Man. (Yes I said that in the 19th century way; sue me.)

It's a mad mad mad mad world my friends.

And finally, to wrap up one of the longest reddit posts I have EVER seen, and it's by my own hand, I'd like to share with the world that I'm already -tired.-

Because dating is a game.

There is so little genuine behavior in dating.

My goal is simple. Bring people into my life. I'm sure that some of us will have some chemistry. Some of us will enjoy sex together. It's not difficult.

But oh it is difficult. Because genuine behavior is not actually what people value. It is what they will pay lip service to and YES THEY BELIEVE THEIR OWN PR. Doesn't make it actually so.

What people actually respond to on a deep level is flattery, convenience, and status.

Read that again.

I'm here to bear the bad yet accurate news. It is all about manipulation, game, and in general being a successful sociopath. Which I abhor with every fiber of my being, but I don't write the rules. And I don't fancy being alone and unloved. I greatly desire to share my life and my adventures with people.

So it comes down to knowing and controlling when to flatter, when to call, when to not call. When the idiotic practice of acting too cool for her is exactly what I need to do. When I need to take her ego down a notch, because at the end of the day, if I don't display that stereotypical alpha-male testosterone fueled douchery, she WILL think me less of a man for it.

I try to tell myself it's just people skills and it's just natural and unthinking for most people and I'm just becoming a normal person who behaves normally. I've not gotten so good at PR that I believe my own bullshit.

The quest to merely share my life with people is teaching me one and only one thing: how to be a less genuine and more manipulative human being. I learned long ago, me, the real me, will never be accepted.

Yet still, patterns are still illusory. It's individuals that matter. I just merely have yet to find the right individuals that allow me to be genuine, and meet them in the right time place and circumstance. Like I said in the opening, your late 20s is a Hell of a time to be going back on the market.

Odd, my worldview I have expressed is very pessimistic and cynical, yet I pursue it with such optimism and joy. Hmmm.

Well, now dear redditors, I release this to you. And since I've been so very bloody serious, I think I'm in the mood to enjoy the trolls more than anyone else.