Hey Reddit, I wanted to share my journey and some thoughts that might help others who are struggling to find their footing socially or romantically. It's a bit personal, but I hope it resonates with someone.

I got bullied as a kid and didn’t develop social skills until I was 23. I didn’t have many friends, let alone romantic experiences. For a long time, I thought my circumstances were just the way things were. But two moments of self-awareness changed my life:

1. At 23: I realized that not having friends was on me. I wasn't putting myself out there or working on the skills needed to connect with others. So, I started actively improving my social skills, which led to better friendships and more opportunities.

2. At 32: I recognized that my lack of romantic experiences was also on me. I had been missing signs of interest or avoiding taking chances when opportunities arose. Since then, I’ve made an effort to be more proactive, and in just the past year, I’ve had four romantic opportunities. I think there were quite a few in the past that I did not realize. I was unaware of flirting with someone sometimes 😂.

For me, finding my authentic self came through stand-up comedy, improv, philosophy meetups, and volunteering. These pushed me out of my comfort zone and helped me grow. And for the first time, I actually believe I might be a good person. A lot of this newfound confidence also comes from someone I’m involved with now—she’s incredibly kind, uplifting, and generous with compliments. She’s amazing, and her positivity has been transformative for me.

A Lesson About Humor: Humor has been crucial for me, but I’ve learned that self-deprecating humor can be a double-edged sword. While it can be endearing occasionally, doing it constantly might drive people away or project negativity. A good friend of mine distanced herself from someone who relied on this type of humor too much because it became draining. Balance is key—humor should lift you and others up, not pull you down.

On Flirting: One thing I’ve embraced is creative flirting. It can be fun, lighthearted, and a great way to connect. Let me share a recent playful exchange I had with the person I’m seeing. We were riffing on Microsoft Office puns, and it turned into one of the most enjoyable chats I’ve ever had:

Me: “I’m only good with Excel and stuff. You could say I excel in innocence.” Her: “You definitely have a PowerPoint here.” Her: “I’ll take your Word for it.” Me: “I’d love to access your brain sometime.” Me: “But you might not like the outlook.” Her: “You might need several teams of people for that.” Me: “What if I just want to edge you instead?” Her: “Damn, you stole my next one.” Her: “Only if you can access that part of me.” Me: “Are you putting a defender in front of it?” Her: “I’m laughing and giggling at work. That’s hilarious.”

This kind of playful, creative back-and-forth has been one of many highlights I have with her... We have at this point soo many runnning jokes, that we can create an own marathon for it.

Final Thoughts: I don’t know what others need to find their best, authentic selves, but for me, it was about self-awareness, putting in the work, and leaning into opportunities. If you’re struggling, start small. Try new things, challenge yourself, and focus on growth. Also, surround yourself with people who uplift you—you deserve that.

I hope this helps or encourages someone out there. Wishing you all the best in finding your path and your people!