Many people have told me not to mention kinky stuff on the apps. The problem is that I feel like I waste everyone's time when we start chatting and eventually find out that it's a disqualifier for them. Likewise, I can't date someone that's super basic or vanilla.

I'd like to think that mentioning it would attract the right people and scare off the people who aren't into it. The problem is that I don't get a lot of matches in general. It's tough to say if that's because I mention the kink or if it's because of something else.

I'm pretty subtle about it (too subtle, I think, as I often have to explain what I mean...) except for on feeld where I'm relatively graphic.

I'm also on Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, and Hinge and I pay all the money to be advertised and message people and all that scammy nonsense.

Your thoughts would be much appreciated.