TW: mentions of SA

I’ve (25 F) just been feeling so hopeless lately. I crave love and a romantic connection more than anything, but in the era of dating apps it seems like all anyone is interested in is sex. And not that there’s anything wrong with casual hookups, but I just don’t see an alternative for someone like me who wants a long term romantic relationship.

I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD coming from being SA’d several times throughout my life, starting when I was about eight years old. Im honestly terrified of sex and relationships nowadays. Even when I tell guys upfront that I need to go slow with physical intimacy because of my past, they either end up forcing themselves on me or pretend to give me what I am wanting in a relationship until I sleep with them, then ghost me once they’ve had their fill of sex with me. And that leaves me feeling even more used and abused than before.

I’m going to start seeing a therapist next week to deal with the PTSD, but even if I’m able to fully process what happened to me, idk how I can identify trustworthy men anymore. I thought I was being really thorough in choosing who I dated in the past, but their personalities flipped so suddenly as soon as I stopped fighting sex.

I just don’t know how to trust any men anymore, and I’m so tired. I’ve tried dating all different kinds of men, but they all lose their interest as soon as they get all they secretly want from me: sex.

Is there any way to find someone who wants a genuine emotional connection, and what advice do y’all have for identifying people who are just in relationships for the sex and being able to tell who they are before I let them use my body?