My ex (32F) and I (35M) had a relationship for almost 10 years. During this time, we made plans of moving, for children, education, changing careers etc. We got along with everything, but what affected us was most our plans that were not being accomplished, by her. I will explain: she had traumas from childhood that affect her nowadays. Despite being very intelligent (having studies in the best university of Sweden etc), she couldnt use her tongue while kissing, moving to where we planned or doing other simple/important things. No matter how much I sent videos, tried to show her how to use her tongue (both practically and through explanations. Including instructions with clear guidelines), due to unconscious traumas, she couldnt understand or kiss. While I read more than 120 books did psychotherapy and overcame most of my issues, she did not ask for psychological help, and even if she knew that she couldnt accomplish our plans of couple (due to a high insecurity) and kissing as she would like, she just gave up the relationship instead of accepting/asking for help.

After talking for years, I got overwhealmed. But then I read a lot, understood psychological defense mechanisms etc. and became more comprehensive and empathetic, while she became more radical. We got along very well with everything but it was impossible to build a life together. I still believe in her and her capacity of overcome her issues (like I did). But her conclusion was that she was born to live alone and to do everything that was good for her.

I am very into self-development, think that we must adapt our lives to a partner in order to share a life together. I have been very sad, remembering our cute dog, conversations, jokes, healthy diets, how we grew with each other, the house that we built together etc. I think that we should fix what doesnt work and keep the good things. But she became radical and doesnt wanna look at her past (neither with me nor with her parents, friends etc.). We got older. It is difficult to find someone who we can trust, and I feel very sad. No matter what I say...
I would like your views about my story.