I identify as a non monogamist atm. I thought I'd be more traditional and date/get with one person at time but I swipe left when they want monogamy because it's not what I'm interested at this moment in time. perfectly happy to not be exclusive for a long while unless we've decided to be exclusively in a relationship.

and on that note I'm not a jealous person at all romantically. when it comes to friends and family thats a different story. I was absolutely enamoured with my ex completely but was totally cool with him getting with other girls. I don't know if he did [he barely had time for me] but I assumed we were seeing other people and the thought didn't make me sad or angry or frustrated of anything. I really don't mind unless we've made the point to be in a relationship. I'd be open to discussing polyamoury but I don't think I'd want that dynamic as a fiancé or wife with kids.

very much inclined to split the bill as I don't think it's fair otherwise. I'll happily accept if they insist but I bring my purse out intended to pay and will be proactive getting the next round. for activities I prefer to do 50/50 as I don't think any other split is appropriate. unless one of you is minted or you live together and have to split bills I think splitting is the most appropriate. another thing is that I don't want to be indebted to the guy and he feels he's entitled to something because he's "bought" me.

the only traditional things I like are moreso chivalry, like opening doors and treating me like a lady. so gentleman vibes. but I don't know if it's the English-ness inside of me from my consumption of period dramas that has done that to me. I was so put off by someone that swore like a sailor on a first date and I don't mind swearing but it really bothered me. you gotta be polite and shit, especially to servers, people working where we're going on a date etc.

I thought personality and being friends at first was the wau to go about things. slow burn. however if I don't immediately wanna jump your bones I'm hesitant to take it further unless we've spent so much time together I like you as a person, but I don't see that happening unless we were friends first. as then personality shines through. there needs to be decent chemistry straight off the bat. don't want to waste time hoping I might like them amorously. otherwise they're just a friend. being cute/attractive doesn't automatically give you sex appeal.

I like "the chase". used to taking the lead in most of my life but this is where I'd rather let a bloke take the lead because I like to be pursued with real enthusiasm. I used to think I wanted to chase him too 50% of the time but I actually find it off putting if I have to expend so much energy on that. it's not like I won't show interest at all but I want to be actively sought after. the way I show my affection is through words so they'll know I like them, no question about it. I have no shame in double, triple, quadruple texting. I have no shame in expressing how much I like you and I won't apologise for it ever. I've heard about the dynamic of the guy loving the girl more as oppose to the reverse is more successful. I used to think it was 50/50 for success but almost as if they'll have more intention to stay, more tethered and lost as they're so invested. no, I don't claim that all men a cheaters but it's also what I've noticed in dating and real life so far. of course the woman has to like him a decent amount too so there's a slight imbalance not an astronomical one.

it's a red flag if the guy has no female friends or women in his family that he has a good/strong relationship with. I think it says a lot about their character and how they see women. gives me a guage of their misogyny level. I know I will get crucified for being a misandrist but the patriarchy is real and I need guys to see women as humans not objects at their service. if you're a guy enraged by this because you're not a douche like this, good for you but not all guys are like that unfortunately. some just hang with "the boys" and have such toxic views towards us. I think podcasts have really exposed this sentiment many hold and I have to be respected and taken seriously.

I know it's hypocritical of me but I don't think it matters the other way round. like I have only gal pals and then the only guy friends I've had was in primary school but then I moved to a different one and we lost touch. my housemate at uni which was more of a friendship of circumstance rather than organically intentional. then my other one was gay. and I also went to an all girls church of England secondary school so that didn't help. and I wasn't one of the cool girls that hung out this the boys from the all boys school down the road and had a boyfriend. I don't think it was helped being in a strict pentecostal fundamentalist Christian household. so no sex before marriage. my goal had tunnel vision on getting an education.

so, what's dating made you realise about yourself?