I (25m) and my partner (23f) were classmates in grad school and oddly enough matched on OLD and started speaking from there. At first she was apprehensive about us as classmates dating or being intimate. We continued talking however and a little less than a month later, she asked me out to a drink after class one evening and that began the whole experience. From there, she came over to my house, we went on a walk and watched a movie but also slept together that day.

From that point on, we would hang out 1-2 times a week and usually slept together every time. Of course we would go out to site see, go on walks and actually do things together that aren’t just sex. As time went on over a few months, it shifted from less of fwb vibes to us acting much more like a couple and a more significant attachment and connection growing and growing. Even while I traveled for a bit this summer, we stayed in touch and would video call on several occasions. It was during one of those trips that we both acknowledged that we like each other (as in like-like) and since then, multiple discussions have happened.

A caveat on this is however that she has a disorganized or fearful avoidant attachment style (I am predominately secure style) and tends to put up barriers or obstacles up to keep people from being too close to her. Each time something more serious has been discussed, some different reason for it not being that has been stated. It was basically a different reason or different variation of a reason every time. Most recently it was that she (she is bi, she for a while thought she only liked women, which I’m supportive of, I like her for her) feels like she doesn’t want to “miss out” on dating women, but very much wishes to keep dating me. I think we both realize that something more serious between us is looming here.

It’s not that I don’t believe or trust what she says when she brings up obstacles or barriers, but it feels like a lot of “what ifs” and trying to find reasons. Despite this, each time and progressively more so the longer we’ve seen each other, we constitently act and are closer and closer. We have pretty much mutually admitted we’re both interested in more seriously dating, and we both are monogamous people. She has however had some reservations about it and those reservations seem to coincide with some of the barriers and obstacles she has mentioned as part of her avoidant attachment style (which she acknowledges).

We are going on a trip together soon and it will be just us. She is also accepting of romantic gestures and even does some herself and doesn’t reject romantic gestures or efforts. My question is what direction this is going? I can clarify any questions and am happy to provide any details too. Thank you all!