I'm a 26yo female. Ten years ago, I found out that the man on my birth certificate is not my biological father (I refer to him as my dad), and that my actual biodad said "not my problem" and disappeared when my mom told him she was pregnant with me. She had searched for him for years, but never found him. Once I turned 18, I started searching myself and again..found nothing.

Late December 2020, I reached out to a family friend of my dads as a last resort as I was just about done looking for biodad. I had no leads, no ideas, nothing. I knew nothing about him except for his name, and that he had another daughter born around the same time as I was. He had managed to stay very off grid and off record and neither my mother or myself had found anything.

Mid January 2021, that family friend came through. I found him. I sent him a message on Facebook, he left me on read for 3 days and then blocked me. I told him straight out that I wanted nothing from him except for family medical history, because I was starting to have health concerns.

That same family friend also happened to find his first ex-wife, with whom he had two children (older than myself). I messaged her, saying I'm normally not one to blow up families or cause drama but that he was my father and I just wanted medical history. Also told her that she didn't need to tell my siblings about me if she didn't want to. She unfortunately could not give me any medical history, but she did point me in the direction of his second ex-wife and another ex-girlfriend, both of which he had a child with (both younger).

The ex-girlfriend opened right up to me, and told me all about my family from biodads side and got me in touch with my grandmother (who, surprise, my mother and I both already knew! None of the three of us had any idea). My grandmother has given me so much information regarding medical history, family history, etc. and I am so grateful.

The other three mothers (I call all of them Mama [insert their name here]), my grandmother and her husband, my aunt, 1 out of my 3 uncles, and all 4 of my siblings have since welcomed me with open arms and open hearts, and it's brought tears to my eyes numerous times just thinking about it. We all live along the eastern seaboard, but it's pretty difficult for us all to get together, and I've only met my youngest sibling by him.

Biodad unblocked me for all of two weeks after I found them all and we got talking. We exchanged about 6 sentences total, and then he blocked me again. I've since spoken to my siblings and their mothers about him, and they all said the same thing: "Yeah, that's Biodad."

I'm one of five (that we know of), and the only one he's never met. The only one he hasn't somehow been present for. Granted, he wasn't always present or really ever a good dad to any of them, from what I've been told.

It's almost exactly a year after finding them all, and I'm starting to have major issues and emotional pain about him. I would like to know what he's like, what he likes, and just overall who he is as a person instead of a dad (because clearly he's not doing great in that department). I'd also maybe like to hear his voice, even just once.

I told him that I didn't want anything from him, but a year later...I guess that was a lie. I always felt some bad feelings towards him since I found out, but lately it's been this just...heavy, existential pain. I wasn't enough for him to even meet. Now I'm not good enough for him to even talk to. It hurts, deep down. It really hurts. But I can't seem to tell anyone this. I can't bring myself to tell my siblings how I feel, because I think "Yeah, I get it" is all I'll get.

They've all dealt with not being wanted, or him ignoring them, or leaving and coming back and leaving again.

I was just never good enough. And it hurts.

TLDR: found my biological father after almost ten years of looking, his family accepted me but he did not. Feel rejected, in pain, and alone and don't feel like I can talk to my siblings or the rest of the family about it.