My dad moved out of my house when I was four. My mum kicked him out because he was abusive, emotionally to me and my older brother, and sometimes physically to my mum. We still kept in contact with my dad, who moved to 3 different house with his now fiancee. In that time, my mum sold our old house and moved in with our grandparents to take care of them.

Through the progress of those following years, a lot of what I do kind of revolves around my Dad because when he calls me every week, I really want to impress him. I guess when he moved out it ripped a hole in me, and I can’t see him as my Dad anymore.

Fast forward a couple years, I’m now a young teen, 100% a minor. When I was 11, my brother taught me the birds and the bees, and we tried to… yeah. Messed up I know, but that was years ago, and we both never talk about it. However, it all stemmed from me needing pleasure and I started watching those videos. At my age it would be seen as highly innapropriate.

Pls appreciate the fact that me and my brother had no one to talk about this to, and we still don’t. And pls pls pls god say I’m not the only one who’s life when to hell the minute I was born???

As of now, I still watch those videos, know about stuff I shouldn’t, don’t have a healthy relationship with my dad and try my best to seek male validation as much as I can because it’s that nessecary for me to think men care about me when my father didn’t.