My father use to hit me up until I was 14, he used to hit me when I spoke too loud or spank me for “disrespecting him”, but not like normal spanking, also you don’t spank a fully matured young girl,(I got puberty early) anyways I still went back to him right after and said I was sorry for being bad and I would always stick around him. My mom and him would very often fight and she would take me with her and I’d run back to my daddy’s arms when we’d come back. I knew he was in the wrong yet I always defend him. He still raises his hand on me sometimes but he doesn’t hit. I also feel the need to be accepted by certain men(mostly toxic ones) I need the attention, I’m not desperate for it but I just love it so much. I just want someone to give me so much attention and love but also I wouldn’t be attracted to them in the first place if they don’t act indifferent and as if they don’t give a shit. I don’t know what I have but it’s really having an impact on my life. I’m way too attracted to toxic men or indifferent men, but I want them to give me everything they have all of the attention. This dilemma is just .... exhausting