Ya the relationship with my father is dead 😂 I’m 31, we haven’t spoken since I was 18. Well one time where he texted me (years ago) calling me names and insulting me out of the blue(what’s new). I responded back harshly and he went and cried like a pussy to my brother. Saying I’m so mean! 🤣 he literally abused me for 18 years.

He is evil. Dude is a psychopath. If he was on the news for being Jefferey Dahmer I wouldn’t be surprised! He has a felony. My mom was obsessed with him even though he literally hated her. He tried to kill her, put her in the hospital almost dead and she ran back. My mom is super nice, very submissive. He abused her physically, mentally, emotionally, any way he could. I know his mom abused him as a little boy, it’s like he hates women and enjoys abusing my mom to no end.

Anyways, it’s dead between us. He continues to be evil till this day, no changes. Even if he changed their is so much trauma and issues I don’t even know where to begin. He is literally fucked in the head and I’ve accepted that fact. He calls my sister randomly saying he wants to unalive himself. He plays the victim constantly. I have zero sympathy for him just because he is the definition of evil! I’ve had to go to so much therapy for this guy. ANY anxiety, depression I had was from him. I had ptsd and healed. He inflicted so much trauma/abuse on his children.

He cried to me once on the phone saying sorry, I felt zero remorse. I found him pathetic.

Worst part about him is that he is SO manipulative, charming, people say he’s very good looking. So he always slid under the radar a lot.

I’m just focused on me, my kids, my job, thriving in life. I’m the best I’ve ever felt. I have zero criminal record, I don’t do drugs or alcohol. My dad’s side suffers a lot from that stuff. I’m working on my degree so I can go to law school. My sister is a lawyer and she’s helping me. My brother was tortured by him and has a lot of mental health issues but he is getting better. ❤️‍🩹 I told my dad to never talk to me again. I know it sounds conflicting but I still want him to contact me. I’m in disbelief he never does! If my child said they hated me I would spend every single day trying to fix it, make it right. I couldn’t image them being out of my life.

A lot of mixed emotions. But I guess it doesn’t matter because it won’t fix anything. Sad part is even though I’m doing good in life now, daddy issues have hit me hard lately. It started at the end of Covid, I was under mental stress from being locked down. I get these urges of doing age regression stuff. I don’t know why. After I do it, it clears my mind. I’ve talked with a therapist about it and she said just to continue doing it and that it’s harmless. I do chalk it up to my childhood, although I never got these urges in my 20s. So I’m at a loss with it. It’s 100% only about me as a child, no one else. Maybe inner child healing work? Who knows. But now I really want a guy to pretend to be my dad 😩 ya I know this is all weird lol, again I can’t explain it I just keep having these urges. I do some play alone by myself and feel amazing after. All of this in the privacy of my own home, by myself. I would never do it out in the open or show people randomly. I’m extremely private about it.

Anyways, has anyone gone through anything like this? Any input?