hi, i'm dominique. i'm new on the reddit and my english it's not the best but i wanna trying to be better. i'm possibly have daddy issues, i talked with my friends today about my relationship with my friends and then reaction was like "are u okay?" and hug me and stay a little scared about what i told them. anyways, i use all pronouns and that story can have a lot of bad things about me and him.

my father never was present, he worked a lot and hardly saw him and when we see each other, he said the cruelest things to a child (me). I spent years feeling useless and someone who couldn't think for himself, solely because of him and my mother, but today I want to talk about him.

I still remember that one time I was crying, a lot, because of one of our arguments and I told him that I felt bad and useless for crying. he looked at me and said "crying like that, you really are". I was ten or eleven years old. these days, he doesn't say that kind of thing anymore. in fact, he doesn't even remember everything he said to me but I do and I feel worse for every single thing he said to me.

recently it's been raining a bit in my town and because he resigned he's been home. he took advantage and is taking me to school (the school is close, so he hardly ever did something like that) and yesterday, on tuesday, I was very stressed and exhausted, I almost didn't do my course because of that feeling, anyway we we were in the car going home and after awhile we had a little argument.

since then we haven't talked enough, in the morning i intended to go out in the rain but unfortunately my mum made me go back and apologize (he who started the argument and who in fact was being rude and started saying he was making me nothing but a please, since I never asked him to do such a thing).

that's one of the things that he did. another thing happend in the last year, I hardly left my cell phone out of do not disturb, my parents knew that after all I always made it very clear. but last year, I decided to spend a day later at school, I asked my mother to let my father know and a few minutes later at school, my cell phone started ringing, I answered my mother and made it clear that I was at school. a few hours later I went home, when I got there I received some audio from my father. he said he was going to kill me, that I should pray that I was dead when he got there otherwise he would beat me until I stopped breathing. I panicked and instead of praying I did what he said, I took some medicine, lay down and only then did I pray to die. when I told my mother, she said he was worried and upset, that's why he was acting the way he did. I saved my voice and ignored it, a few hours later my father arrived and amazingly he "talked to me".

some time later he ended up losing his job, he got stressed and days later he went to solve certain things, I didn't answer my phone again and minutes later he sent me some more audios screaming in the car, saying I was useless (again), that I didn't know how to listen and asked if I was stupid, again he threatened me with death. when he got home he hit me so bad I still have a mark on my back from what he did. he banged my head on the cupboard, ripped my hair out and I had to take pain medicine to make it stop. hours later I found out that my cell phone had broken, days later we went after it and he said it was my fault and his, when he was the one who had an outbreak of anger for something so small and discounted on me.