One could say I'm a slowpoke....Hello everyone, full disclosure I'm 31M and healing from a bad porn addiction. It's only recently that I started indentified some of root of my issue and it might end up on r/raisedbynarcissist. Very briefly, I have a very poor impulse control regarding my sexuality (it goes from masturbating too much to having sex with people I definitively shouldn't have sex with, like girlfriends with BF) rn I'm seeing a demi-sexual girl so it's my proof that karma is real.

When I arrived at university I met what i can only described as the most beautiful girl I've ever seen (both past present and if I never heal from this future) she was smart funny crazy passionated she loved dancing she introduced me to drugs (but the highest high was her eyes). I felt in love badly. My naïve ass said it to her and then the nightmare began. It was the longest push and pull of my life! I realized that if she believed i didn't care about her she would start to be clingy and if she was sure about what i was feeling she would run away. Becoming aware of this I was tempted by the dark side but ultimately didn't want a power struggle with her nor with anyone for that matter. A lot(A lot!) Of ups and downs later we puted some distance between us for the better.

Why do I talk about this. Reading your comment I could help to think about her and her behavior. I'm thinking about a particular post about being clingy during the first time of the relationship and then avoidant/anxious (you might find it by searching the highest ranked post). Also, it's only recently that I came to know that we basically had the same familial back ground. We were both raised by single mother with let's say doubtful parenting qualification. I guess that a part of what attracted me was that were both fuck up in a similar way (and that we actually liked it) And lastly I guess it's because behind the resentment I still care about her.

So what do you guys think, does she fits the profil, am I delusional. Is everyone fucked up??

I wanted to add that my intention is not to meet anyone on this sub (if I'm correct then been there done that) nor it is to invade your safe space. I'm trying to see through a lot of uncessary pain, of drunk promise of love at 3am, and cold hard wake up call.

I hope everyone is getting better :)