I was adopted as a newborn in India into another Indian family and grew up in the states. My adoptive family is my family through and through, and I consider them blood no matter what, but after my wife gave birth to our first kid last month, there’s just this underlying…fear?…almost that my baby isn’t from me. I’m not quite sure how to phrase this, but it almost feels like I’m not her real father and that she comes from my adoptive bloodline and not my own. Like I’m almost this imposter father. I know she’s mine. I know she has 50% of me. But I’m still struggling with this thought that she won’t look like me or have my mannerisms or characteristics. Like she’ll have the bloodline of my adoptive family and I’ll have no proof of ever existing as myself.

My wife has been incredible in supporting me and helping me talk this through and giving me comfort with this and letting me talk it through and deal with it. But I feel bad that I’m starting to put this emotional burden on both her and the baby. I’m sure it’ll require more therapy to work through, but I’m curious how those of you who have been adopted dealt with this or if you’ve experienced it yourselves.

I’m over the moon about her. She’s my world. I’ve never not felt connected to her in an emotional sense. She’s already beginning coo and “talk” and react to us and it’s incredible to see her grow. Even the faces she makes when she’s taking a huge dump are similar to mine, and it’s fun to see the dogs take to her. And yet I find myself fighting back these thoughts of “she’s not yours, she’s someone else’s”.

And this isn’t about infidelity. My wife and I have been spending pretty much 24 hours together every day between WFH and just being hermits during lockdown even when taking road trips. This just the existential stuff.