Hi so I know this is probably more of an off my chest post, but I really don’t want my girlfriend to accidentally read this and figure it out. Im a dad that just turned 43 this year, my son is 10, with autism, adhd, and odd. I have full custody of him. I just really started getting my shit together when my son was born, and I’d like to think I’m a good dad. I’m in school full time for my bachelors degree while being full time caretaker for my son. My girlfriend is 10 years younger than I am, we’ve been together for just over a year. When we first got together we discussed birth control and she was clear that she was biologically unable to have kids, that she had 5 miscarriages, so we didn’t use anything because we were sure it couldn’t happen, and in fact I told her I didn’t want any more, because I wanted to do something we my life after kids… two months ago she started getting really sick… we found out two weeks ago she was pregnant.. after much discussion, mostly trying to explain to her that I don’t want any more children, she went to the doctor and found out she’s about 10.5 weeks along, and that there is a healthy heartbeat. She doesn’t want to terminate and while she said she would be willing to deal with it on her own, I’m not going to just walk away and abandon my responsibilities, at the same time I feel like I’m kicked in the guts and facing the idea that any sort of life I had wanted after kids is over. I’ve told her I will support her and once I get over the feelings of dread, I’m still be excited, but mostly I just want to cry and mentally check out. I just don’t know how to feel about any of this.