My son is 13 and he came out to us over the weekend as nonbinary.

He doesn't prescribe/care about pronouns and is fine with us referring to him as him and he... but he just doesn't feel like he's male OR female.

He said he may be trans some day but right now he's just figuring things out. He doesn't particularly like that his voice is getting super deep and he "sorta hates the twig and berries" he said with a chuckle.

Without being dismissive, up to this point I've just sort of handled it as everyone feels weird at this age and you gotta experiment to find out what you're about. I'm not keen on the idea of hormone blockers/therapy, though.

Hell he just started on anti-depressants less than a month ago, so he's still also feeling all the effects of that out.

So anyway - My wife and daughter knew about all of this for a while because he's more comfortable talking to them. I sort of knew by proxy too, but he was scared to talk to me directly. Despite my best efforts, I'm still a big sorta loud burly dude... and while I'm not into "typical guy stuff" like hunting, fishing, fixing cars and sports... I'm still intimidating to him. Even as a gamer/computer nerd/comic nerd.

Added to that for me I think is that my side of the family is especially religious, and destructively so... I think he was afraid of the strain that I could feel with my parents and sister once he was "out" with it all.

What he failed to consider is one of my closest friends these days is Trans. They're going through kidney failure and I've been helping them to and from doctor visits. Cleaning at their house. Hell we even adopted their cat because they can't care for him anymore... I've been an ally with my work for years and I've always ended up "falling in" and making friends with the LGBTQ community at work over anyone else. Maybe he didn't realize it to consider it... but there it is.

So anyway he finally told me... and when he did I told him the most important thing is that he realizes he's safe and I love him and nothing is ever going to change that.

I told him that all his mom or I want for him is for him to be his best self and to be happy and thriving and not depressed, stressed, anxious in his own skin.

He asked my wife if he could get some "girl clothes" this past weekend, which I will admit in my upbringing challenged me... but I didn't make an issue of it with him. I personally just don't see how any of it could be more comfortable and it doesn't seem practical in a lot of instances... but I kept that to myself.

He was still a little nervous in the Wal-Mart with me around so I called him over, I hugged him and told him it was okay, and that I love him, and he should do whatever he needed to do. Then I took my leave. He got a few things to wear around the house, as he doesn't want to be judged by wearing it outside of the house. Prior to this he was sort of only in underwear ever anyway, and he'd have a blanket over him. Now he's wearing the other thing but pulling the blanket shut because he still is paranoid of being judged even though we all said we're good with whatever.

He got purple dye for his hair. Hasn't used it yet. He had his sister paint his nails last night, and it instantly wore off.

It's all new foreign ground for me but I'm trying to do what's right. If I lose family over this (and I absolutely will) I gotta look at it like they weren't worth keeping around anyway.

On that faith topic - I don't feel like the scriptures taken out against this stuff are seeing the whole picture to begin with... not even trying to see it, actually... and even IF this was "sin"... all sin is equal anyway, right? So my mom cheating on my dad when I was a kid and my dad beating his wife and kids and my sister getting pregnant out of wedlock... that's all the same in god's eyes anyway, right?

So anyway cards fall where they may but I love my kid and I am glad to see he's finally starting to explore his identity. No saying where he'll land, but I'm going to be there for it regardless of where that happens to be.

Has anyone else been through anything like this? I feel like this stuff is becoming a lot more common with kids who are preteens/teens/young adults in these younger generations, but maybe I'm wrong.

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