My father left me when I was 11 and I swore to the high

heavens I'd never abandon my child like he did me. somehow

I've gotten myself in a really tough life situation after the

relationship with the mother of my daughter who lies cheats

gets others to lie for her and hides quiet a bit behind my back.

When our daughter was about to be brought into this world she

rapidly moved out of our apartment and into her mother's

Airbnb, who is filthy rich mind you. They've never approved of

me regardless of my no piercings or tattoos and good

mannerism. No elbows on the table and all that. Her last was a

gang banger felon and her new is also a felon. She left 60 miles

away from me when I didnt have a car. I bought an old 97

Honda prelude and put it together over a course of 7 months.

No mechanic experience behind this. There was a time she

called the police on me in our apartment 17 times in one month

and the state DA picked up a case where she told them I picked

up a stuffed animal and held it near my head and threatened to

throw it at her. This has now ruined my life because I had no

where to stay in the state we were in and I moved out the state

missing the first months of life of my daughter.. I came back

because she asked me to return to our family instead of going

back to my home state and I did just to be stood up for 2 weeks.

I blew through my savings and she finally reached out and let

me move in with them which lasted about 5 months with me

being forced to sleep away from them in the back back back

room under another bedroom that was empty which she

eventually asked me to help her move stuff up top so I broke

down the crib and rebuilt it and such like I was supposed to

right.. that turned into hearing my daughter cry in the middle of

the night and her not wanting me to come up there and play the

role I was supposed given. There was a day we had a fight and

she saw I was really conflicted about staying with her, the day

after that I went to work after cleaning the house at 5 am like

normal and I asked her if I can have a kiss from our daughter

and she refused which I fought about. That ended with her

leaving for 2 weeks telling me she went up to the mountains to

her mother's and I fell into a heavy alcoholic depression. I tried

to talk to somebody and I felt that the suicide prevention agents

that had came out to see me were wanting to send me to a

hospital. The police told them I had a bench warrant for a failure

to appear and instead of going to jail he understood my

situation and wanted me to go to a psyche ward as well to get

help. I got diagnosed bipolar with mania but truly feel like I was

driven crazy.

I got out of the psyche ward and left her home and my daughter

and immediately jumped into taking care of my sick mother

who was homeless while I was with my baby mama for those 5

months during winter. I had to take of my mother and couldn't

be around my BM at the time so I left. I've been paying roughly

3/4 of my check every 2 weeks on the motel rooms for us is

because the bench warrent wouldn't allow me to get an

apartment. The police did a patrol in the motel I was at and I

was arrested and sat in jail for a night. Baby mama sent 100 to

bond me out... Doesn't talk to me for 2 days. Tells my mom she

has a new boyfriend. And she filed to child support. And now I'm

fighting the first case with nothing a bullshit public defender and

a paternity case pending a custody battle down the road.

Trusting this one woman absolutely destroyed who I am and the

life I was building.. I'm sure I left maybe 2 thousand words out

of this post but what else is there to say honestly besides what,

let go? I just didn't want to be my dad. But in some strange way

this solidifies her in becoming her mother, taking a baby from a

man and choosing another man to raise it.. she turned into it

everything she said she wouldn't be. Like does her hate and

resentment for me out weigh the love she has for our daughter?

And what when I finally do get to build a relationship with our

daughter it's going to be skewed and fucked up already?.. I'm

trying hold on but like why lol