My daughter Sophie, 19, has always been more of a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl, not very concerned with makeup or appearance. However, last April, I noticed her coming home with Sephora bags more often. I thought nothing much of it, assuming it was just a new interest. Surprisingly, she quit her part-time job at the bookstore after the school year ended. 

She spent a lot of time by the pool and seemed happier and more confident. Perhaps it was just the break she needed, or maybe her new friend Leanne, a fellow photography student, played a role in her subtle changes. These changes, while positive, were sudden and unexpected, and I couldn't help but wonder what was behind them.  

I pride myself on having raised Sophie in a sex-positive household.  All I want from my daughter is to experience life to the fullest.  I could not care less about her sexual orientation, all I want from her is to be happy.  She went out with a few boys in high school for a few months at a time, but never really made a big deal about it.  Truth be told, I always suspected Sophie to be more attracted to girls. In my mind, she and Leanne were lovers but I was respectful enough to allow them the privacy to announce their relationship, if it qualified as such, on their own time. Regardless of who she loves, I will always love and accept her for who she is. 

Sophie and Leanne seemed inseparable for most of June. Sophie was getting glamoured up more and more.  She took me out for Father's Day brunch, looking stunning. Would it be any other day, I would have made people talk.  Alongside a very tasteful designer summer dress, she was wearing $900 Prada pumps. A hell of contrast from her usual jeans, t-shirts and Chuck Taylors. 

-"Hey, Soph, Can I ask you something?"

-" Anything, Dad" 

-" The dress? The shoes? Are they Leanne's?"

-" No"  

She said no more and moved the topic of discussion towards something else.  I knew then something was amiss.  But it was otherwise a perfect day, and she put so much effort into it that I allowed myself to quell my suspicion for the day. But the questions kept nagging at me, and I found it hard to shake off the feeling that something had changed between us.  

In July, I noticed Sophie wearing increasingly expensive items. She got a Vuitton bag, a Hermes scarf, and even more shoes. She mentioned it was all for one of Leanne’s photography projects, but I wasn't entirely convinced.

I saw a news report about a local alderperson resigning after it was discovered that she had an OnlyFans account. I knew her; she taught dance class to Sophie when she was young. It was surprising because she seemed like a nice community-minded lady, not someone who would do adult content. The report said she regretted the council’s decision and intended to continue with her adult activities, which apparently generated a five-figure monthly income for her.

It was shocking. I wondered how much a younger and conventionally attractive woman could make if Mary, a middle-aged woman, could make $10k a month.  The market is, I would figure, somehow ageist.

In that moment, I realized I might have jumped to conclusions about Sophie. I still saw her as a child, not realizing she was now an adult. Should I talk to her about this? I want to respect her privacy but also ensure she's safe. And what exactly is OnlyFans? What goes on there? And why am I feeling this way?

Sophie is out on a camping trip and will be back in two days. It'll give me time to find out.

After a few minutes of internet sleuthing and $10 later, I became an OnlyFans customer. I familiarized myself with the site and found it to be very underwhelming. It's not user-friendly, which seems to be intentional. The site lacks a proper search feature. Feeling cheated out of ten dollars, I closed the app. However, thoughts of Sophie exposing herself for money lingered in my mind.

Although I'm not proud of it, I decided to investigate her room. Her room has this eclectic quality; it's not the messiest for a 19-year-old's bedroom, but messy enough to make an organized person like myself uncomfortable. I opened the closet door, and my suspicions were almost confirmed when I saw the tripods and LED lights. "She studies photography," I tried to convince myself.

Feeling dizzy, I sat on her bed, contemplating about my little girl, Sophie. How could I be so blind? I thought I knew everything about her. We are more than father and daughter; we are buds! The numerous pictures of us surrounding her bedroom mirror testified to that. In the bottom corner was a picture of Sophie, all of six years old, looking adorable in her white ballet tutu. Posing with her was Mary. Mary! Perhaps she could help me figure all of this out.

—-

Dear Mary,

Perhaps you’ll remember my daughter Sophie T.  You taught her ballet 10 years ago. 

Allow me to preface this by stating that  I find the city council to be in the wrong and that you can count on my full support.  I also understand that you may not be too please about having someone from your past contacting you after the breaking of such a story.  I assure you, I am writing to you with nothing but the noblest intent.

I’ll cut to the chase, I suspect that Sophie is on OnlyFans too I cannot say that I approve nor disapprove of it, I’m incapable of judgement,  but this world of OnlyFans is foreign to me, and I have a few questions.

Please ignore this message if this makes you uncomfortable in any way.

Mark T.

Barely a minute went by before my phone rang.

"Mark? It’s Mary!"

I was not expecting a call.

"I had your number on file. I hope you don’t mind the call."

"No, not at all. Thank you for calling. Again, Mary, allow me to say that City Hall gave you a raw deal. It’s 2024," I said. I couldn't think of another cliché.

"Oh, that’s nothing, honestly. I was thinking of quitting anyway. My lawyer said that I may even get to sue them. Who knows? It may all turn out for the best," she said, seemingly nonplussed about the unfolding "scandal".

"It’s certainly just a bad hurdle. I’m sure you’ll get over it?" I offered.

"It’s actually not a hurdle at all. Since the news broke out nationally, I nearly doubled my subscribers in just a few hours. It’s pretty great," she said.

It was her tone that perplexed me. She was talking about this with the same nonchalance of a business owner opening up a new location. She was all business; I was all confusion.

"So what makes you think Sophie is on OnlyFans too?" she asked as if it was the most common thing in the world.

"She’s affording herself luxuries she could not otherwise. I found lighting equipment in her room.  Her demeanour is different, she seems a bit more, distant."

"I see," she paused. "Hey Mark, what are you doing this afternoon? Why don’t you come over, we’ll have a cup of coffee, and hopefully, I could make this easier for you." Mary seemed more than understanding. I was really glad that I reached out to her.  I accepted her invitation.

I attempted to reset my head by taking a shower and then made my way downtown. Not surprisingly, curtains had been pulled down on the large windows looking into her studio space. My knuckles barely grazed her door when it swung open. Behind it was Mary, who from the looks of it somehow managed to look younger than she did the last time I saw her 12 years ago.

“Mark, so nice to see you again,” She said, waving me inside. “Come, join me in my office”  

Office? It was more a closet than an office.  Not that a dance instructor needs a full executive suite, but this was really cramped, just enough for space for two.  I sat across the desk from her, the back of my chair against the wall and my knees touching her desk.

-“So.  Sophie?” She did not waste one second.

-“Sophie” I replied with a sigh.

-“A.K.A. SoNicoleXXX” She just let it hang in the air.  I did not know what she meant.  I broke the silence.

-“Come again?”  What did she say?

-”That’s her OnlyFans handle.  SoNicoleXXX.  What you did not expect her to use her real name, did you?”

Of course, she was right.  Obviously, she would use an alias.  Wait! “XXX”? My god!

 -” How did you know? I mean, how did you find out?” Mary seemed to know a lot.

-” It’s more common than you may think. We local content providers tend to know one another.  We look out for each other” 

-” You mean to tell me there are others?”  Was I so out of touch?  

-” There are.  For some, it’s a job; for others, it’s a supplemental income.  You might not be surprised that making a living as a dance instructor in a small suburb is not exactly the path to wealth?” 

Mary kept going, and without naming anyone, she drew a picture of who in our community was doing the same as her and Sophie. My mind kept going back to the notion that my little girl was making adult content, I had to remind myself to pay attention to what Mary was telling me.

-“You look pale, Mark; you want a bottle of water” She offered kindly

-” I'm sorry.  It’s just a lot to take in,” I sheepishly offered.

She took a breath and looked at me for a few seconds.

-” Is it?”  She sounded almost accusatory.  “Is it really a lot to take in?  Can we speak honestly, Mark?  What if I say it is not a lot? What if I say that this is just a modern reality?”  Where was she going with this? “What if I told you that this could be good for Sophie?”

-” What do you mean?” What was she selling?

Mary typed a few strokes on her keyboard and rotated her computer monitor my way.  On-screen was an Onlyfans page featuring a pretty, fit young brunette in a bikini.  

-” Do you know who this is?” She asked.

-” Do I need to know?” I asked, conflicted. 

That’s Brooke, she is my daughter.  This tracked, the familiar features were undeniable. Brooke looked like a teenage version of her mother. 

-“Should you be showing this to me?” 

-” Why not?” She replied.  “Mark, you do have a few paths ahead of you right now, I understand that this may all come to you as a shock.  But that is just your own fear of something you do not yet understand.”

Mary fished out two bottles of water from her minifridge, offered me one, leaned back in her chair and started at the beginning.  On the monitor, a video of  Brooke wearing a sheer micro-bikini by a pool was playing. It took every ounce of attention to focus on what Mary was saying.

Her late husband left her with piles of medical debt. She was facing eviction, she could not make rent on her studio either.  She joined an online support group for women in dire financial situations, and one of the participants mentioned that she was slowly getting herself out of debt by making adult content on the internet. I felt terrible.

-” Spare me the pitiful look, Mark.  I am not a victim”  I got caught.  “I cannot stand the trope of the sad and broken sex worker.  I love what I do.  Just between you and me, this “scandal” you saw on the news is entirely fabricated. I knew it would bring in the clicks from across the state, if not nationwide.”  The video of Brooke on the monitor was now showing her nude, legs spread on both sides of the deck chair, with one hand tweaking her nipple and, yes, masturbating with the other.  My face got flushed, I did not know where to look.  Mary craned her neck forward to see what I was seeing.  “Do you have a problem with masturbation, Mark?”  

-”  I don't, it’s just … just” I was at a loss for words.

-” Just what? That it is my daughter masturbating?  This is what is making you uncomfortable?”

-” I don’t think uncomfortable is the right word, Mary.  More perplexed than uncomfortable,” I offered.

Mary swung the monitor her way and typed some more.  I felt some relief and, at the same time, some disappointment.  I surprised myself by being disappointed with myself for having paid attention to Mary’s daughter’s OnlyFans user name.  My god, could it be that I wanted to watch some more?

-” Brooke is free with her body.  It’s how I raised her.  She knows who she is.  She likes who she is.  I am very proud of her.  And you should be very proud of Sophie too.”  And she punctuated that sentence by swinging the monitor towards me some more.  This time it was Sophie, my Sophie, on the same deck chair, by the same pool, doing exactly what Brooke was doing.  I gasped. Time stood still.  My daughter, my little baby girl, completely nude.  This was the first time I saw her nude since she pre-schooler.  I found myself experiencing a mixture of shock and pride.

-” Mark, you are going to have to get used to this.  Sophie is very popular online.  And I am seeing to it that she is doing this with the utmost safety.” What did she mean by that?

-”  You are behind this???” I postured as an overly protective dad with questionable credibility.  

-“Yes and no.  Leanne works for me.  She is my creative director, she scouted Sophie out in school and I recognized her from all those years ago.  You should be proud, Mark, you raised a wonderful young lady”

-” Spare me; you groomed my daughter into online sex work!” I feigned indignation.

Mary gave me a moment to let me stew in my own juices of awkwardness.  

-” She was going to do it with or without mine and Leanne’s help. ” She counteroffered.  “At the very least, with us, she is doing it within a safe environment.”

I was not going to be talked into letting this happen, but Mary seemed so confident that I could sense a part of me agreeing with her.

I stared at the floor, feeling so conflicted.  

-” Mark, I understand your inner struggle right now.  And I want to help you deal with this”  She seemed genuinely concerned about my predicament.  “I’ll have a talk with Sophie today, I will tell her that now you know.  She really wanted to tell you about all this anyways, but did not know how to do so”  I felt a tinge of relief knowing that Sophie would want me to know. “Don’t be too hard on her, Mark.  She is a sweet girl, she just lives for the moment.  But I’m sure you knew this already”  I didn’t. I should have paid more attention.  “You are not a bad father for this, Mark.  You are a modern father, there is a nuance”  What that nuance was, I dared not claim to understand.

I felt drained of energy, I was so confused about what I was feeling.  I always thought of myself as a caring, supportive father no matter what, and there I was, facing a situation I could have never possibly imagined.

-” What’s your Onlyfan User ID, Mark?” She asked, with a tone similar to a DMV employee.

-” Oh never mind about that “ It was DaddyM75, I felt too self-conscious to say it.

-” I’ll give you access to mine and Brooke’s account.  You’ll see.  There is nothing more going on than a celebration of the feminine form.” 

-” It’s DaddyM75” I could not believe I just blurted that out.  Mary reacted with a slight smile, as if my handle was a poker tell. 

She typed in a few strokes. Reset herself in her chair and faced me.

-” Check the content out.  Better yet, What are you doing this Saturday?”  Her face lit up!

-” I don’t think I have anything, why?”  Yeah? Why?  Where was she going with this?

-” Brooke and I have a photoshoot planned with Leanne, Why don’t you come over?  We’ll have lunch by the pool.  You’ll see that everything is on the level”

I accepted her invitation, partly because I felt I had no argumentative fight left in me.  It was only a moment later, when driving home and stopped at a red light, that it hit me.  “What the hell did she mean by Brooke and I have a photoshoot?”

—

To be continued.