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##d100 All the things my pipe-smoking "high" bard would say
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AevHolm is in d100
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I have a college of eloquence bard where he gives inspiration in the form of phrases or things people who are high would say/ask. Can you help me come up with 100 things he would say so I can throw these out to the party to get a chuckle and a groan each time. I know I could google examples on the internet but I wanted the phrases/questions to be relevant to the world of d&d and that is what I am struggling with, hopefully your wonderful minds can help me!

I would always be starting off any inspiration he would provide by taking a puff of the pipe and say the phrase. I've given 5 examples to start with as requested by the rules:

  1. If two wizards cast detect thoughts on each other, whose mind are they reading?
  2. If a wizard casts clone and kills it. Is that suicide or murder?
  3. If 2 Vegan druids are arguing, is it still considered beef?
  4. If you drop soap on the floor. Is the floor clean or the soap dirty?
  5. If money is the root of all Evil, why do they ask for it in all the temples?
  6. What if rocks are actually soft but tense up when we touch them? [/u/Wikilast]
  7. If life was a bird, you’d be the feathers. [/u/MacroAlgalFagasaurus]
  8. "hey do we know any druids that know Plant Growth..? I just got an awesome idea" stares at herb in your pipe [/u/ironman_BTW]
  9. If I use vicious mockery and describe someone who's ugly, is it mockery or honesty? [/u/Aquashinez]
  10. You ever wonder if there are tall dwarves that blend in with humans? [/u/Ken_NT]
  11. If a male minotaur got a female centaur pregnant, would the baby be a human, or a horse? [/u/disturbednadir]
  12. This line is taking forever (following a stealth party) [/u/Torvaak]
  13. "If two mermaids have a baby, is there a one in four chance the baby is a fish?" [/u/Winnipeginstinct]
  14. What if rocks actually taste like strawberries, but a wizard has been casting prestidigitation to make them all taste like rock? [/u/Snaptune]
  15. Bro a deaf kenku can’t speak at all right? [/u/Technicalanimator874]
  16. Dragons: What are they dragging? Why aren't they called Flyons? [/u/Tealswinglinestapler]
  17. When you kill someone with fireball, there is probably a very brief moment where the meat is perfectly cooked. [/u/Dedli]
  18. I wonder how myconids taste on pizza. [/u/Racoonsinatrenchcoat]
  19. To a sorcerer/wizard/artificer: I need you to cast enlarge on a very specific part of my body... [/u/Racoonsinatrenchcoat]
  20. Why would you ever cast cloudkill? What did a cloud ever do to you? [/u/Racoonsinatrenchcoat]
  21. What if there is someplace like home? [/u/Racoonsinatrenchcoat]
  22. Brooo, What if we’re mimics who are just like, too good at mimicking? [/u/DaniwhohatesCVS]
  23. Okay so stick with me here, have you ever seen a baby goblin? No? What if all the goblins we're killing are actually the babies and they grow up to be like... Trolls or something? [/u/GameDesignerMan]

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