I have been wondering if my view point is "correct" or acceptable and what is just stigmatized curls.

For instance, I can make my hair look more tame, but I also think when it's more loose/unstructured it can look just as good. I notice other curly girls agree it looks good (if they're being honest with me), but some people with straight hair will say "it looks messy"

Well... if my hair isn't obscuring my vision and there's no crazy frizz, what is considered messy in this context?

Please let me know if I have the correct line of thinking and what you think. I get offended when people use the word messy because there is a negative connotation. I do not know if what they mean is its unstructured in a good way. Or if I'm just a politically correct person and care too much about semantics..

For instance, I think unstructured is fine. I have layers and they're the same on both layers on both sides of my head, I also have curly bangs. People have called this messy. It seems "less messy" is equated to being "more straight" the person typically has more tame hair/easier to deal with--i think this is unfair.

For instance, I can put a lot of work into styling my hair as you curly guys and gals know.. I can use the praying hands and shingling method and plop with a cotton shirt and I'll get that one rare person who says MY HAIR IS MESSY! Like it's symmetrical and isn't in my eyes, what is messy? Do people just not like curls?

I am biracial, my dad is african American and mom is white. So I was blessed I'd say with more coily and tight curls. Not kinky, but still spiral shaped. Thick hair if you will. If this gives you an idea on what is "messy" and what looks good. I'd say my hair is usually shoulder length or by my neck length mostly. I have curly bangs too if that helps. If this context helps, I think this is why being called "messy" or "your hair is poofy/nappy" is so damn offensive to me.

Any thoughts? Hair advice? I'm feeling insecure about this, so I appreciate the input and honesty from this group as a long time lurker.