I am a sucker for love. For real, it's like our lord and savior Cthulhu made me with an extra big heart, which doctors say is why I have palpitations. But, seriously, I'm a dunce when it comes to having a profound connection with someone. That's hard to create being a juggling, schizoaffective freakshow who is on every list the FBI has. I've gotten good at code-switching to being a socially acceptable version of myself, but I feel that I live with a mask on; never being true to myself, and thus never making any real connections. I've done well to put myself into my art and broadcast it across the internet, and I've attracted quite a following and helped build a community of weirdos like me, but it's not the same as being my true self in person.

Do I really love myself if I'm constantly shoving myself in a cage? Well, having once gotten run out of Eugene, Oregon for soliciting a homeless man to rent out his dog by the half-hour to my sex cult, I would say that there is some love in being smart with my sick sense of humor. But, how do I go about being authentic and loving myself enough to let out what I'm really thinking or feeling? I don't have an answer to that, so let me think about it some.

Alright! Just had an imitation hot dog and now my insides feel like a dumpster fire at a liposuction clinic. And yet, I have answers to questions previously asked! Those being: learn some moderately dark and macabre funnies and tid-bits and use them to test the waters. Those that respond positively to my mundane serial killer facts will be the ones that get to see that I'm more fucked in the head than Ed Kemper's victims.

That's the ticket to loving myself more, and by extension loving everybody else. Truly, I'm a garbage human being right now because my cyclical emotions keep steering me directly into a horrific pit of self-loathing, and that leads to a lot of selfish behavior like putting salt on a wound will cause the person you're flaying alive to recoil in agony. So, the more I express my deranged, megalomaniacal side, the more at peace with myself I will become, and then I will be able to be the beacon of light and love that God made me to be! Yea, I got a plan of action and I didn't even mention my giant, no good, truly deplorable incest fetish! Oops…well I almost did! Have good night folks! 😜