Some of my weirdest inspirations come to me in dreams. Sometimes terrifying, sometimes hilarious, often a mixture of both. Usually only happening when I fall asleep sober; they tend to grab one or two passing bits of thought from earlier in the day - stuff usually already forgotten by the time I'm headed to bed - and bring seemingly random subconscious interests to the fore without context. I have no idea why I happen to be at some particular place, the dream just drops me in the middle of a story, and I'm often whisked away moments later without a need to understand the why's.       

Despite the dream logic, I often don't even realize the scenario isn't actually real. It's simply happening, until it isn’t. Sometimes, the second I do have that sudden moment of realization, that “a-ha” moment, I wake up immediately. Other times, I'm so interested in the dream scenario, I fight the sensation of waking up, struggling to stay in make-believe. Submitting myself to the mind's unconscious desires. There can be a darkness here too. Moments of bliss undercut by a sudden plot twist; manifestations of guilt in otherwise happy moments. That convergence between terror and joy, uncovering the absurd.

      But every once in a while, it also gives me a chance to fuck someone really hot. Sometimes it’s a celebrity, sometimes it’s someone I didn't even know I wanted to, dropped into those plotlines uncovering buried fantasies tucked away, compartmentalized in the hidden recesses of the mind.

I found myself at the mercy of these dreams one night in April of 2022, at that Airbnb beach house retreat for the bridesmaids at Cristina’s wedding.

Early on, I think on the first day, I remember chatting with someone at the dining table while everyone was essentially in meet and greet mode, and suddenly hearing Cristina’s voice asking my girlfriend Karina “are guys still open?”, I pretended I didn’t hear it and carried on. I spent that night chatting and playing movie trivia with a few of Karina’s girl friends.

I had a sudden, unprovoked sex dream about Olivia that first night. In hindsight, I wish it went on longer. Like every other dream, I was dropped in the middle of everything. There was no build up, we didn’t kiss, move locations, or have any kind of foreplay. I was simply on top of her, in missionary, weirdly making direct eye contact as I slowly but forcefully pounded her in what I could assume was her room in the beach house. It wasn’t hard fucking, we didn’t talk and I don’t think I even looked at her body, instead letting my cock just go in and out as I blankly looked at her face, her legs propped up and slightly wound around me.

Her face looked pretty much exactly as it did as she sat across from me playing trivia, the usual expression from us chatting earlier without much to show she was a participant in this sex at all, but as she smiled things turned a bit darker. Instead of having teeth, in place were pieces of dark brown, rotting wood.

As I continued thrusting, deeply mortified but heart racing and unable to resist, I noticed flies buzzing around these wooden teeth. Her breaths became a background sound effect to a growing hive of bugs that reminded me of the Scarecrow from Batman Begins. The sounds and my staring at these bugs growing more intense, more pronounced. She smiled wider, starting to finally enjoy herself only as I was engulfed in terror, before finally realizing I was dreaming and everything stopped suddenly.

I woke up startled, gasping for breath like this had been one of my car accident nightmares.

“You alright?”, Karina murmured half asleep.

“Yeah, sorry weird dream.” Despite the weirdness, my dick was absolutely throbbing.

“Something bad?”, she asked.

"Kind of”, I started to trail off, before forcing myself to verbalize. “I think I just had a sex dream about Olivia, but she was actually George Washington".

I don’t remember what we said to each other after that, but do remember I rolled over on top of her and fucked her. I know she enjoyed it, and we had briefly flirted with the idea before of an orgy at this wedding, so I didn’t really feel guilt. In fact, for a few blissful minutes, I let Karina transform into Olivia, while I ravished them both in a way she still deserved after our stunted rendezvous was cut short. Olivia an unconsenting participant in a fantasy I didn’t know I had.

“Tell me how it was”, she said. “Were her tits as good as mine?”

“I wish you could’ve seen”, I whispered back. Body shaking mid-fantasy.

“Show me. Fuck us both.”. I started going harder. “Cum on us”.

Honestly, it felt amazing.

I’ve thought about writing a piece about my slow and somewhat reluctant journey to polyamory for a few months now. There’s a lot to unpack, and I’ve spent many a night outlining some of the greatest hits in my head that I’d want to touch on in a narrative, flashes of insanely hot moments I mentally come back to all the time. It feels important to revisit now, as I’m a little over a month away from being with Karina again, after two and a half years apart and the vast majority of our time in an open relationship happening during this long distance phase. The promise of returning to a hotter, kinkier and dirtier relationship than was previously almost being a selling point for the two of us.

Everytime I try to write this my mind goes a million miles a minute and suddenly I’m rock hard and unable to even write an actual narrative, often just rambling some barely coherent sentence fragments of each moment I wanted to write about, flashes of hot moments that get me going which I can barely even verbalize in real life. Nothing really gets me going quicker. Even going through some of what I had first written for this piece, most of it has been hastily written one handed erotica, some of which goes back to literally like 2020.  

I remember the moment I started to realize this was a turn on. Karina had just gotten back from her trip to Mammoth Lake with Rebecca’s group of friends in the summer of 2018. I had just moved most of my stuff out of that extra room at those graduate apartments. The two of us were sleeping on the floor and basically fucking in my empty room for the night. I remember my roommate coming to the door at one point with mail and Karina hiding in the closet, and later having my phone playing Damn in that top section of the closet as we fucked. She had just told me that she heard Dan and Rebecca have sex in the tent next to hers, and that she told the guys she was staying in with that she was offended she wasn’t invited in with them. That comment kind of piqued my interest.

Around this time I had sort of reconnected with an old friend Maria, who had just gotten out of a long term relationship and was having a ton of sex. She had been walking head first into threesomes and foursomes with couples online, and before long had basically solicited me, asking if I wanted to have sex with her or have a threesome. She was pretty fun to chat with, and the extremely forward way she wrote about her sex adventures was, honestly, really hot. I was pretty down, but also felt really bad about it and resisted the urge to propose a threesome to Karina just so I was in the clear to fuck someone else. 


When Karina fucked me in that room, there was some of that energy. I thought about how hot it would it be if I really did fuck Maria during that time away, and I imagined telling her about it while she fucked me. Karina looked so fucking hot too. As she rode me, her sexy smooth body glowing from the weekend. She had told me she had gone topless while at the lake, and that was both a little surprising and honestly really hot to think about. I thought about everyone staring who wanted to fuck her, spending the trip wondering if they could. This was pretty much the first time I had considered the idea of us fucking other people, but I also still found her really fucking hot. It made me want her more. 


This is also pretty much when I first gave my mind permission to wander to the idea enjoying fucking someone else. At first, it was almost a transactional thing. I found the open relationship idea to be really hot, but I have to be okay with her doing the same. 

But this time, with her riding me as I was on that bedroom floor, I finally let my mind go there. As I grabbed her ass, I thought about her pulling her head back, turning to her left and sucking a cock while riding me, sucking furiously and working to jack the guy off onto her tits. Glistening in the light. She was looking so fucking hot “Yeah? You like seeing cum on your girlfriend’s tits?”. I couldn’t stop, slamming up and down.

We were talking about the Maria thing a little later in the night, and I was still thinking about Dan and Rebecca inviting her. Rebecca was fucking hot too, I’d be down to even just watch that. Despite my anxiousness, I just went for it.

“I’d honestly be with fine with it if they wanted you to and you asked me.”


“Really?” she asked, kind of incredulous. I genuinely meant it, although I don’t think she really gave this much thought at the time.  


I didn’t have the nerve to bring it up again, but the thought was really fucking hot. A month or two after this, when I was fully moved in to Stephanie’s, them inviting her to have sex in the tent was still really fucking hot. I thought about her riding him in there, hair down, basically screaming while Rebecca was next to them both on the right, sitting up naked with her perky tits out and admiring, eventually putting her hands around Karina’s throat, lightly choking her while helping her slam Ben’s body up and down. “That’s right fuck him Karina”. 

I remember stepping out of the shower, drying off and looking at myself in the mirror with this exact thing still on my mind. As I thought about it, I slowly watched my dick rise in real time. Damn, there might be something to this and I’m pretty into it. I grabbed myself and kept thinking about it, taking it further by having Rebecca notice me watching the three of them while touching myself, and crawling over to put her lips around my cock.

The first time I took to this idea regularly, she was in her grad program at Boulder, and had a close knit group of friends we kind of half joked about initiating orgies with. Sort of hilariously against their will, this group of friends has been the center of a real sexual awakening between Karina and I. It kind of started with what I felt initially to be some chemistry between me and her friend Sophia. I was really into her at first, but a lot of these friends were super hot. Ricky’s wife, Marisa, was really cute with super hot tattoos and a really dope liking for Star Wars and the X Files.  

She has no idea because the Ricky stuff was so hot too that I’ve often focused on that, but I got off so many times to a threesome with Karina and Sophia. I almost thought she might have been into it too, although the vibe has also always felt innocent enough that I never dared act on it. Even when they both were hanging at Stephanie’s old apartment with me while studying together, sitting on my bed while I played music, it was hard not to think about. I wanted to bend Sophia over on the edge of my tall bed, fucking her while she ate Karina. I wanted them both to pass off sucking my dick in my room while playing music, eventually cumming on both their faces. I wanted them both to stay the night, and have her secretly fuck me again after Karina had left for work or the shower, just because it was so good. This attraction has kind of died in recent years after she got a boyfriend and kind of became a stick in the mud, but at the time it drove me wild.

There was also always a cute chemistry between Karina and Ricky, and as I opened myself more up to the idea of her fucking her friends, he became kind of an easy stand in for the idea. I started doing it almost out of guilt for wanting to fuck Lindsey so bad initially, but I started getting really turned on by watching porn and thinking of the two of them. I’ve been coming back to a certain Lena Paul “hotwife” video for ages, and the first time I found the full hour long version I stripped naked when I got home and took my time thinking of them. Feeling hot, heart beating, clothes stripped off, I kept coming back to this thought after I realized Karina was down whenever I wanted an instant cum. Sometimes I imagine myself fucking Karina. Sometimes I imagine Rick fucking her. Sometimes I imagine myself fucking her while talking about how Rick already fucked her. Pushing my throbbing cock in her tits just like he did. We even had text fantasies about it. These are from right before we had a rendezvous in the mountains: You sent: That day you and Alyssa shot gunned beers, I was like Jesus fuck

Karina: Have rick pull out and let me suck him off while Marisa eats me out

You sent: Wish I was fucking you while talking about this jesus

Karina: I wish I was there too to feel your hard cock inside me

You replied to Karina: You can’t get enough so you push him back and jump on him

Karina: Yes and I ride him while Marisa sucks you off and you watch me

You sent: I see your ass bounce on his dick

You sent: And I cum all over Marisa

Karina: As I’m watching you cum on Marisa you see ricky turn me around and fuck me from behind until he cums on my back

Karina: God I want you so bad

You sent: Jesus

You sent: Sounds fucking incredible

Karina: I know, I want this

Karina: I want to watch you go crazy

Karina: You can’t help yourself but do everything you want

You sent: Love that you want it, came so much thinking about it, wish it was on you

Karina: Wish it was on me too baby

Karina: You’re so fucking sexy When we got that AirBnb in Durango, I took the chance to relay this fantasy to her. It was not long after I had just hooked up with Maria for the first time in like five years. She had stripped naked in my car, screaming my name while I ate her out in the parking lot of her La Mesa apartment complex. Finally busting in her mouth was not just the release of that moment, but the years worth of pent up lust. Extraordinary payoff after hearing “I’d fuck you for your girlfriend”.

I wanted Karina to suck off Rick like that. I want wedding ring on the table, Karina cumming repeatedly that only gets better in his surprise realizing how good the pussy is. I’ll fuck Marisa later, and it’ll be incredible too. But right now it's your turn to orgasm at least seven times getting refreshingly railed. "Fuck me like I want you to fuck Rick”, I’m memuring to her in that Durango bed.

"Oh my god fuck yes". I feel her letting herself go and get into it. I want her to feel it. Hold my body close. For once, let my cock and body be your guide to the most taboo shit you want to try.

"That's right. Fuck him". I started slowing down and saying it with every thrust.

“Oh fuck”, she moans softly in my.

"Fuck him baby". Thrust again.

“Oh fuck!”, she moans a little bit louder, grabbing my ass and pushing me deeper.

"Fuck him baby, yes! Cum on that cock". and then suddenly I can’t help myself and just start ravaging perhaps the love of my life, letting us roleplay the dirtiest. "Yes baby, fuck himmm" before I pulled out and finish on her gorgeous chest. The video we have from the night doesn’t do the feeling justice.

I relayed this story to a woman I hooked up with last year, Antonette, who I matched with on Hinge last September. We got drinks at Fall brewing literally that night, talked about our partners, went to Swan Bar and made out. After she asked how I like sex and the things I’m into, my answer had her moving her hand up and down my thighs and slyly touching my dick under the table. We went back to my room. “You’ll get to tell her partner all about it” she told me. I titty fucked her too, felt her body up and down, fucked her and ripped the condom off to just bust all over her. Absolutely fucking incredible.

I still feel that sometimes. The poly community here is really strong and surprisingly active. There’s a lot of opportunities to explore these kinds of fantasies, which is really appealing. When I had just returned from my last trip home, and we got those concert tickets from Kirstin and had to pretend we were them.

“I’m Kirstin and you’re John.”

"Works for me, I can get down with some role play".

It was a throwaway joke, and I’m not even sure she would be into it, but what if we really did roleplay? How would it feel if I had her screaming out John’s name during sex, and me calling her Kirstin, as I tell her I’m fucking her up her dress in the bathroom at Anodyne? I just know I’m about to cum. That would be pretty hot, and a pretty cool birthday gift.