From the get-go I've always strongly identified as dominant and my arousal has always been based on that. I've always required control in order to achieve satisfaction. My boyfriend is the picture perfect opposite of me. He's highly submissive and more and more aroused by my deepening control over him. I'm the only partner he's had. His entire sexual history is one of being controlled by me.

A fantasy began slowly taking hold of me. It was different from all the others, and I don't know what precipitated it. I started fantasizing about another domme covertly corrupting and retraining him behind my back, enough to where eventually he might even rebel against my control a little, forcing me to have to regain that control with stricter methods.

I've become obsessed with ideas like him sneaking out in the middle of the night to go for a walk and coming back hours later shaking, or going through his phone and finding messages about how good of a boy he is and how well he's progressing. I, lost in ecstatic union with him, suddenly having the tables turned, having him flip me over on the bed and ravaging me in a rebellion borne from the training of a domme more powerful than me.

Although these fantasies did leave me questioning if I really am a dominant, I'm not here to make another "Am I still dominant if..." thread. My theory about my fantasy is that it satisfies a taboo of being cheated on by the proverbial other woman, allowing me to be psychologically submissive to her without having to be physically with her while still maintaining my dynamic and identity. I'm more psychologically aroused by women than physically, and I can only really feel submissive to another woman. Ok, I'm taking my armchair psychologist hat off now.

It's a very tough dynamic and fantasy to enact, but pursuing it has strengthened both my bond and my intimacy with my boyfriend. Someday I'll be able to experience this and become enveloped in the complex bouquet of emotions and arousal patterns.

I'm not looking for advice, just venting. Can anyone else relate?