For the purpose of this writing, I’m going to call my husband, then boyfriend, Romeo.

Almost 5 years ago (journal dated 7/18/2019) we just started to date again after we broke up a few years prior. We had always fooled around though. He knew he’d one day marry me as much as I did. We always got along extremely well. We have fun together and rarely argue although I have been responsible for any recent issues. But Romeo and I always broke up for the same reason each time which was - women. To his credit, he matured and became family oriented man and serious about marriage. But, long before marriage or even serious dating, Romeo had many girlfriends, which he was free to do being single. I didn’t like it at the time but now I’m grateful he was able to get a lot of this out of his system. I know when he married me he would never say he missed out on anything because he didn’t. I had dated a few guys but nothing serious because I already knew who I wanted to spend my life with. I loved Romeo since I was a little girl.

This evening I speak of, he said he had something to do before taking me out. It was a Friday. I was irritated, but did not want to dampen the mood with my disappointment and complain about it. I know men hate nagging so I try very hard not to do it. Sometimes it is necessary though. I had bought this cute very short mini skirt to wear for him and the top to go with it was belted and off my shoulders. It was sexy but classy and revealed a lot but not too much. He always complimented the way I dress and still does.

I wanted to go with him to do whatever he had to do, but he told me to wait, that he would be back. I’ll never forget how he looked that evening. He had black jeans on that fit perfectly. Not baggy but not tight and fit low on his hip where his boxers show. His ass is perfect and in those jeans you can’t take your eyes off of it. His cock hung heavy and low on the side of his leg exposing itself in the dark denim. His tshirt was burgundy and silky cotton of high quality. It fit snug and hugged every muscle on his chest, torso, arms, and shoulders. He is a weight lifter so you can imagine how it must have looked. The small glint of his masculine gold chain on his neck, gold bracelet, and watch on his wrists against his olive skin only added to his sexiness. He always smells so good. His cologne was musky and sexy like spice and leather. It was Dolce Gabanna but I can’t remember which one and apparently didn’t document it. His face, hair, and beard meticulously groomed and his teeth white. My husband is a perfectionist so everything has to be perfect. Aside wanting yo jump his bones, I was so upset with him that he wouldn’t let me go with him. I was upset because I knew deep down inside what he was going to do.

He took my chin in his fingers and bent to kiss me. He said he was such a lucky man to have such a beautiful woman. He told me how much he loved me and how much he wanted me. His hands fell to my hips where his strong grip held them tightly. He then kissed me so deeply he took my breath away, winked, and walked out the door. As he walked to his truck, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. I could see he called someone and he left.

As the hours went on, I cried. He wouldn’t answer my texts or calls, and I knew he wasn’t coming back. I felt so sad because I knew he was cheating and I had to find out who with. I looked in the mirror, washed my face which was blotchy and tear streaked. I brushed my hair, picked up my pocketbook and keys and headed towards the door.

As I was opening it to leave, my father was opening it to come in. With him, a woman about 10 years older than me by his side. She looked cheap and had too much makeup on. Her arm was around my father who was very much married to my mother (my mother doesn’t live with us.) The woman looked at me and I shot daggers at her with my eyes. I used to beg my father to stop running women down but I was never rude to them. On this night I was very angry and said a lot to her. I won’t go into all that was said but my father ended up buying me my own house right after because he didn’t want me to talk to his women like I did her, ever again. It did not matter though because she would come one day and leave forever the next. The next day he would select a different flavor off the menu. I won’t criticize my father though. The man raised me mostly by himself and he was the best father a daughter could want.

I made a few calls and found out Romeo mentioned going to a particular bar. I went there and peaked in from the outside. It was on a busy street and it was busy in the front of it. The bar has large glass windows in front so I stood to the side and looked in. Much to my satisfaction he was seated with a bunch of his friends towards the front where I could get a good view.

I noticed that one of my good girl friends seemed to be his crowd, but I wasn’t certain if she was or was just stopping to speak to them. She began hanging all over Romeo. To his credit at this point, he dod not seem to be giving her any attention. I couldn’t get over how slutty she looked. She had on booty shorts that were too small with a way too small crop top. I don’t need my journal to remember it. Her ass was hanging out of her shorts. I was raging inside as I watched her rub his biceps. My stomach whirled with nausea, but there was an unexplainable heat and tingle that rose between my legs as I watched her flirt so desperately with him. I decided to text her to see what she said. I told her I was waiting for Romeo to pick me up that he had to do something and I was bored. I asked what she was up to. I could see her smirk as if she was enjoying this, then replied that she was hooking up with a gorgeous guy and she would talk to me tomorrow. I asked who and she replied that I didn’t know him. She sat down on his lap, rubbing her ass on his dick. He pulled out the chair next to him for her to sit. I saw an exchange between them and she stood up. He slapped her ass and she and the guys all laughed. The moment he slapped her ass, I knew he was going to fuck her if he hadn’t already. As torment and ache stabbed through my heart, I watched on in horror as she continued to throw herself at him. She walked up to the bar and returned to him with a beer and stood beside Romeo, him seated, with one arm around his neck. Then I saw his hand. He was talking to his friends like nothing was happening but he began rubbing her ass where the shorts didn’t cover at the bottom of her cheeks. He squeezed and his fingers slowly headed to the middle of her ass where they went in between her legs over her shorts, then moved back out onto her cheeks again where his fingertips slid slightly under her shorts. Then he would squeeze and pull, his hands becoming more targeted and assertive. I know his hands well. His movements were those when he is becoming aroused, when his cock hardens, when he wants to fuck, and you’re turning him on. He kept this up over and over as I watched on only now he began rubbing in her upper middle thigh too. A fire ignited between my legs as I choked back tears that were flooding my cheeks anyway. The sight was killing me, but I was so turned on I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. The endless flirting & touching continued. I felt like I had stood there for hours but in actuality it was closer to 10 minutes.

I wanted to walk in and beat her ass and go the fuck off on him, I was near raging with a hot wet pussy that I didn’t understand. My hands trembled and I felt so weak. Then it happened. She sat on his lap and they kissed. My close friend that I shared my deepest secrets with and mostly about Romeo, the love of my life, the man I had always wanted to marry were kissing.

I ran to my car, jumped inside and cried harder than I ever had. I also was desperate to get this filthy fire between my legs that I couldn’t understand extinguished. I lifted my skirt, spread my legs, pulled my panties to the side,and rubbed my soaking wet fiery pussy. 20 seconds later, my heart nearly exploded with the most intense and longest orgasm of my life. I moaned and my hips thrusted wildly as my body convulsed. I took my panties off after as they were just too wet to put back on

I didn’t understand my own response. But when I finished I sobbed so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. I cried for 20 minutes or so, before I would try to pull myself together to go back. I was angry I had missed so much of what was happening between them and ran back to the bar but the two of them were gone.

I drove to the apartment complex of my ex friend and Romeo’s truck was parked in front of her door. My heart dropped. He was in there doing things to her and her to him. I debated with myself about barging inside but there was a piece of me that thought I shouldn’t interrupt. Who was I to tell him he couldn’t have her pussy if he wanted it? I wrestled with myself that they were wanting each other and probably for a long time. There was nothing I could do to change it. I thought about all the times we were all together and how I shouldn’t have missed their attraction for each other. If he had wanted me, he would be with me right now, not her. Feeling so sad, I did nothing. I decided to let them fuck. Even if I stopped it, they would get together again and do it anyway only be even more desperate for each other. As I thought about this, the flame between my legs burned again but hotter.

I drove to my father’s, parked my car and walked 3 blocks to his house to wait for him. I had a key to his house so I went in. I turned on the stove light in the kitchen and laid my head on the table and waited as the images of the night flashed before my eyes. How he rubbed my ex friend’s ass and squeezed it, moving his fingers between her legs where he wanted to be, and the wanting kiss that followed. I wondered what they were doing to each other now. Whether her pussy was worth standing me up or not

It had been 3 hours and I wondered if he was going to spend the night with her. I saw headlights pull up into the driveway and my heart began to race. It was Romeo. I watched as he walked to the door and listened to him fumble with his keys. I half way wanted to kick him in the balls as I hard as I possibly could, and the other half of me wanted to have hot dirty sex with him. My pussy ached and throbbed with want. I knew I wouldn’t kick him and he already had sex so what was my reaction going to be? I didn’t know.

He unlocked the door and there I stood before him in the dim light. I remember his reaction “JC you scared the fucking shit out of me! Wtf are you doing here?” He was mean. Annoyed I was there. He wasn’t prepared to deal with me yet. I asked him where he had been. I suppose as his mind raced, panic set in on him. To be a player he was a terrible liar. He usually didn’t even try. He began stumbling over his words. It was painfully obvious he was searching the hard drive of his mind trying to come up with a story but couldn’t find one. Tripping over his words he began to say that after he did whatever he had to do, one of his friends told him to come to the bar to talk about something. He ended up having a couple of beers and had to wait to drive home which was why he was just showing up.

The story was so general it was probably true but he was leaving out the details and I decided to torture him. I asked him who was at the bar and he mentioned everyone but her. I walked up close to him. He didn’t seem to want me in his face. I remembered him telling me that he felt like his breath stunk and he needed to brush his teeth and shower. I got closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I looked up to him in the dim light. He was the most handsome man I ever saw that I despised in that moment and swallowed my oncoming tears.

Our faces were a foot apart and I could smell arousal and freshly fucked pussy all over his face. Hell flew in me but I wanted to play it off. It is something my father taught me well to do. My hands rubbed down the front of his chest, savoring his every muscle under my touch, knowing she touched him there. I went down, down to the button on his jeans. He pulled back some. “What is it?” I asked him. He was at a loss for words, his brain working so hard, it froze up. I unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped his fly. I dropped to my knees and he again pulled away. “Not now, baby.” He said. “Let me shower.” “Please?” I begged. I asked him what he was trying to hide and he claimed nothing then told me to go ahead. I suppose he thought I was testing him.

I pulled out his cock. The light shined on it and the small patch of groomed pubic hair just above his cock on his pelvic bone. I felt like biting him, tbh, but I would never. My grasp though on him was ironclad. Holding his cock in one hand I pulled his jeans down exposing his ass, cock, and balls with the other. I reached between his legs and grabbed his ass with my empty hand and held him tight to my face taking him all in my mouth. I could smell her pussy. Romeo was shocked apparently and put his hands on my head as if to pull me away but it felt too good. He said “ah…” as if he he was trying to think of something to hinder my sucking him but nothing but a groan came out so I proceeded. He clearly sucked her pussy and fucked it. I was tasting what he had wanted to so badly. My pussy began to boil in its own wetness and I moaned as I sucked her off of his cock. All the blood from my body shot to my pink center, engorging it, causing my pussy to swell with arousal. He kept saying words, but not finishing his sentence. It became too good for him and he began fucking my mouth as his hand balled up in a knot in my hair. I licked up and down his long hard shaft and sucked his head sliding my sloppy wet tongue all over it, then dropped to his balls and licked, then ran my tongue over his public bone tasting her there.

I completely lost myself sucking her off him as I envisioned the images I saw at the bar. I wondered how hard he kissed her while they fucked. I pictured his hands running between her ass cheeks and down the slit of her pussy as he showed he so badly wanted to do at the bar. I pictured him spreading her legs wide open above her head. I wondered how hard he got for her and whether he liked fucking her pussy and if he liked it better than mine.

My body was on fire, my heart aching and I took it all out on his cock. I wanted to suck his soul out of him. He pulled me up, likely forgetting or not realizing his face smelled like her pussy, and kissed me so deeply, all the while all I could taste was her. He picked me up over his shoulder, and took me to his bedroom. He laid me down, pulled my top off and skirt up. He pulled his shirt and jeans off and nestled between my legs as he pushed into me. We both moaned out as he drove his cock through, stretching me to accommodate his girth.

When he pushed as much as he could inside, he reattached his lips to mine and thrusted in and out. He fucked me hard that night and I came over and over intensely as I thought about him fucking my now ex friend. Lost in my visions, I pretended to be her. I wanted to know if he fucked her like he does me. I asked him if he loved my pussy. Between his groans and pants he said he loved it. I imagined him saying that to her. He may have loved me a lifetime but he could not resist her tonight. At that thought I came again.

I continued to moan and talked to him filthy as I rolled my hips the way he likes. But I had cummed three times with him so intensely, my post cum clarity was sinking in. The anger was slowly returning. I hated that bitch and in that moment, him too. Before I could say anything, he cummed a wad deep inside of me. I sat up as soon as he rolled over after he cummed and yelled “fuck you” as I began to sob. He looked at me dumbfounded. Too upset to concentrate, my brain would not work in English. I was yelling and pleading with him, why he stood me up and it was “probably for some other girl.” I kept my senses not to tell him what I saw to see if he would lie to me.

He sat up defeated and put a pair of gym shorts on. He took a deep breath as I sat there with the sheet around my chest, eyes full of tears. He said my name, and with a face full of regret, then stated he needed to tell me the truth about something. He told me the truth about the night and with who. He also told me that they had fucked her 2 other times behind my back over the course of the past 2 weeks.

I felt so much betrayal. I told my ex friend everything about us, I told her all kinds of sexual things between he and I, I shopped for sexy panties with her during those 2 weeks and helped her pick some out! Together we ate with her and here they were fucking. One of my best friends and the guy I was in love with and wanted to marry.

I broke up with him although he begged me back time and again. He stopped fucking the slut who was now my enemy. But every time I thought about all I saw and all the details I demanded from him about what they did together, the pain shot through my heart, but it so very much turned me on. I felt so confused.

A year later Romeo and I had only a sexual relationship, but we both missed me as his girlfriend too. So we got together again. But ever since that night, I always thought about me watching him with another, doing things to her as he was doing to me.

This is all how I became a CQ. I get the man and I share his cock, which gives him a taste of new pussy he likes, but the man is mine. I have the autonomy to say who, how, where, when, and after he fucks her, I get the strong intimacy, his love, and his gratitude for giving him access to fuck other women. I am turned on watching him and he is turned on having me watch. We take that built up erotica out on each other. I discovered that being a Cuckquean gives me assent and consent. I enjoy the stability of an honest and open relationship. For me there is a world of difference between being cheated on and helping to select the perfect holes for my husband to enjoy. I know he appreciates me and loves me and I think he deserves the excitement of new pussy if he wants it.